Going Through the Motions
by Squall Thrawn
Summary: In a state of total depression, Harry Potter takes comfort wherever he can find it, but what will he do when he discovers that somebody once considered a bitter enemy may or may not have what Harry has been looking for all along? Eventually HarryDraco
1. Going Through the Motions

A/N: Hi, this is Squall Thrawn, and here's my story. This is my first story in this particular fandom, but I have written slash fiction before. So please tell me what you think!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything connected to it; that would be JK Rowling and Scholastic Books

Note: This Chapter was updated as of 10/17/07

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Going Through the Motions

by Squall Thrawn

Chapter 1 - Going Through the Motions

Lightning flashed across the sky, as raindrops beat a steady rhythm on the roof of the Leaky Cauldron. It had been raining nonstop for three days, and Harry Potter was getting tired of being cooped up in the room he had been staying in for the last week.

'Only four more days until Fall Term starts,' thought Harry. He had mixed emotions about that fact. Going back to Hogwarts meant Harry could no longer avoid his friends for long periods of time. On the other hand, he wouldn't have to deal with the Dursleys until next summer and he would have plenty of homework to occupy his time.

Due to the fact that there were few places left that Dumbledore had deemed safe for Harry, and because he had refused to stay at Grimmauld Place for obvious reasons, Harry had spent almost the whole summer with the Dursleys. Luckily, ever since Uncle Vernon's confrontation at the train station with Mad-Eye Moody, the ex-Auror and member of the Order of the Phoenix, all three of the Dursleys had left him completely alone for the summer. Beyond Aunt Petunia slipping food twice a day through the cat flap installed on his door, he had had little contact with any of them. And the freedom had been greatly appreciated. Unfortunately, after a few days of nobody but his owl, Hedwig, to talk to, Harry's mood had gone spiraling down. Harry's thoughts had constantly dwelt on Sirius and his death at the Department of Mysteries. And despite Dumbledore's insistence that he was blameless, Harry still felt responsible for what had happened.

'Just like Cedric,' thought Harry to himself. The previous summer, Harry had spent many nights having dreams of that night in the graveyard when Voldemort had come back to full power. And Voldemort's almost offhand command to 'Kill the spare,' the spare meaning Cedric. Killed simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But even these paled in comparison to this summer's nightmares that showed up practically every night. A common theme was Sirius just beyond that veil of death, reaching out towards Harry. But no matter how much Harry tried, he just couldn't get there, as if something was holding him back. Many times it was Lupin holding him back, but other times it was Voldemort, Dumbledore, or even Bellatrix Lestrange, cackling. Once in a great while, it wasn't even Sirius clawing for help, but instead was Cedric Diggory.

Over the summer, Harry received countless letters from Ron, Hermione, Lupin, even Hagrid. And they had all been dropped into a drawer unopened. As grateful as Harry was that his friends cared enough about him to worry, that was overshadowed by Harry's fear that if he kept them too close, Voldemort would target them to hurt Harry. After what had happened to Cedric and Sirius, Harry knew that if he lost Ron or Hermione he would die. So Harry had resolved to try to keep his friends at a safe distance. Also, he knew that they would be asking how he was holding up, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to properly answer such a complicated question.

Throughout Harry's entire fifth year of school, he had been in a perpetual state of anger. Anger at Dumbledore for avoiding him, anger at Snape for, well, being Snape. He had gotten angry at Umbridge, Cornelius Fudge, and even Ron and Hermione when they had gotten on his bad side. Now, he couldn't even muster enough energy to be even slightly ticked off. He missed Cedric, though the time he had known the boy had been far too short. He missed Sirius Black, who had been the closest Harry had ever had to a father-figure. Most of all, he missed his old life, when the most he had to worry about was failing Potions or falling asleep in Professor Binns's class. Now he had to deal with the fact that he and Voldemort were in a struggle to the death, and that at least one of them was going to die. At least. How was Harry supposed to sum all that up into an answer they could accept?

So as Harry laid on his bed in the Leaky Cauldron listening to the music of the falling rain and running those horrible thoughts through his head for the umpteenth time, he decided to try practicing his Occlumency. It had helped, somewhat, with his nightmares recently. It wasn't fail proof, however; he had had a particularly horrible one the night before, where Sirius and Cedric were standing together and blaming him for their deaths while Ron and Hermione lay nearby having the Cruciatus curse performed on them by Death Eaters. Attempting to block that horrible image that sprung back into his mind, Harry tried to concentrate on emptying his thoughts and clearing his mind.

Just then, somebody knocked on Harry's door, breaking his concentration.

"Oi, Harry, are you in there?" Harry recognized Ron's voice. The knocking grew louder. "Harry, come on, it's Ron. Open up!"

Harry inwardly groaned. Ron had finally arrived at the Leaky Cauldron, and that meant that the rest of the Weasleys and Hermione were around as well. Once again, he appreciated their concern, but felt that they didn't understand how he was feeling and wasn't really in the mood for hearing all the trite remarks that were bound to be used. However, Harry wasn't callous enough to just ignore his best friend after not seeing him for two months.

Harry opened the door slowly, to see Ron Weasley standing in the hallway. Hard as it was to believe, the tall redheaded boy had actually grown another couple of inches. It also looked like he had bulked up a little, most likely to aid his abilities on the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

"Well, there you are, Harry," said Ron, a ready smile on his face... a smile that quickly disappeared as he observed Harry's appearance. Despite the fact that Harry had gained an inch or two over the summer, he appeared to have actually lost weight. Ron also couldn't fail to notice the bags and dark circles under Harry's eyes. "Blimey, Harry, you look like Sir.. I mean, you look like you haven't slept or eaten for days!"

"Oh, I've been eating and sleeping.. some..," said Harry with a false smile in place. Hopefully, if he played this right, he could get Ron off the subject so that he wouldn't have to answer any probing questions. "Just haven't been too hungry. Not that you'd know what that feels like," added Harry, poking Ron in the stomach.

"Stupid prat," muttered Ron, rubbing the spot where Harry had poked him. "I bloody well can't help it. Blame my parents or something..."

"I'll be sure to relay that message on to them, Ron. I'm sure they'll be thrilled to hear it," said Harry lightly.

Just then, Hermione came down the hallway.

"Harry!" Hermione squealed when she saw him. She quickly gave Harry a hug, also noticing his gaunt appearance. "So, how was your summer? How come you didn't answer any of our letters? Dobby keeping your mail from you again, for some reason?"

Harry frowned. "I sent you a letter. A couple weeks ago, I believe."

"Oh, we got that one, mate," said Ron a little bitterly. "A long one, too. 'Hi Ron and Hermione, I'm doing fine, thanks for the birthday cards, hope to see you soon, Harry.' Hope you didn't slave too long over that one." Ron glared at Harry, but Harry just returned the look blankly.

"Look, Harry," said Hermione kindly. "I know you're feeling bad because of what happened, but this isn't healthy. And Tonks told us that you spent a good portion of the summer laying in bed staring up at the ceiling. Come on, Harry, tell us what's the matter."

Harry sat down on his bed and stared down at the floor. "I'm sorry, guys. I just don't feel like talking about it right now." Harry looked back up at his two friends. "Please trust me, though. When I do, you'll be the first ones I tell."

Ron looked unconvinced, but Hermione pulled at his sleeve and gave him a meaningful look. "Well, we'll hold to that, Harry," she said. Then she pulled out an envelope. "How did you do on your OWLs, Harry? I did a lot better than I expected on some of mine, I was quite happy. My parents were so overjoyed, they gave me some money to buy whatever I want on Diagon Alley. So I went over to Flourish and Blotts and picked up an Arithmancy text I've been wanting to read."

"Books!" muttered Ron in a disbelieving tone. "She gets a bit of money, spends it on books!"

Silently, Harry pulled his OWLs results out of his trunk, careful to not reveal all of his unopened summer letters tied up with string. He handed the results to Hermione, who immediately started perusing them.

"Wow, Harry, you did pretty good," said Hermione. "But how did you fail History of Magic and Divination?"

"Well, on Divination," said Ron, "he probably failed it the same way I did. It's a wooly subject, and Trelawney sure didn't help matters."

"You also might remember," said Harry, "that I never got to finish my History of Magic exam because I fell asleep and had that nightmare that Voldemort planted in my brain, about the Department of Mysteries.." Harry's face, briefly cheerful during the diatribe on Trelawney and Divination in general, had lost its smile once he mentioned the Department of Mysteries. Ron and Hermione exchanged glances.

"But look at this, Harry," said Hermione, trying to cheer Harry up again. "your OWL grades are high enough to get you into the right NEWT classes! If you work hard enough, you could become an Auror like you wanted!"

Instead of cheering Harry up, this comment seemed to have the opposite effect. Harry looked even worse, his face gaunt and almost haunted. He still tried to sound chipper, while failing miserably. "You know, Hermione, that this means two more years of Potions... with Snape. I've been looking forward to that all summer." Harry rolled his eyes. "Besides, I've been reconsidering the whole Auror path. I'm not sure I'm up to all this extra studying and very tough classes. I'd sort of like to enjoy my last years.."

"Of Hogwarts, you mean?" said Ron, hopefully.

"Or whatever," said Harry, his voice going back to a monotone.

"Harry, you can't give up," said Ron, strongly. "Voldemort hasn't beaten you once, and besides, we've got Dumbledore on our side. And we'll stand behind you, won't we, Hermione?"

"I appreciate your confidence," said Harry quietly. "But indirectly, Voldemort has beaten me.. twice. Cedric... Sir..ius." Hermione looked amazed that he had actually said Sirius's name. "I'm not sure I can take another loss like that. And I just don't see the point to all of this vigorous schooling, if the only result will be a well-learned corpse laying in front of Voldemort instead of a stupid one." Harry laid back on his bed and started gazing at the ceiling.

"Oh, Harry," said Hermione, almost in tears. At this point, she almost missed the angry-at-the-world phase he had gone through last year. It had been hard, but she had dealt with it. Depressed, fatalistic Harry... it was far worse.

There was an awkward silence for a while, as Harry continued his scrutiny of his room's ceiling and Ron and Hermione tried to come up with a response to Harry's last comment.

"So, did you hear how the Chudley Cannons fared in the league this year?" asked Ron, finally.

Harry's eyes flickered towards Ron. "Did they actually win a game?"

"Oy!" shouted Ron. "You'll pay for that one, just you wait and see!"

As the two boys bantered back and forth, Hermione could pick up just the lightest twinge of the old Harry in his responses. Hermione silently resolved to bring that old Harry back.


	2. Walking Through the Part

A/N: Thanks to all who read my story! This chapter is more interesting, and the action definitely starts picking up next chapter, which is almost done!! Please read and review!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything connected to it; that would be JK Rowling and Scholastic Books. So don't sue; I'm broke.. heh..

Note: This Chapter was updated as of 10/17/07

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Going Through the Motions

by Squall Thrawn

Chapter 2 - Walking Through the Part

"Come on, Harry, sit here with us," a voice called from a nearby compartment. Harry paused in the hallway of the Hogwarts Express. Ron and Hermione, as prefects, were required to meet with the new Head Boy and Girl, so Harry was trying to find a compartment with enough room for him and his two friends. Ginny Weasley had already disappeared into another compartment with a couple of fellow fifth-years.

Harry poked his head into the compartment whose occupant had called out to him. Sitting in the compartment were the rest of the Gryffindor sixth-years: Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, and Neville Longbottom.

"Heya, Harry," said Seamus. "There's enough room in here for all of us and Ron and Hermione." Seamus waved his hands expansively.

Personally, Harry had hoped to find a completely empty compartment, so that he could spend the ride in solitude. While Ron and Hermione were guaranteed to join him once their meeting was over, at least they would leave him alone with his thoughts. Well, probably. However, Harry knew that the chances of finding an empty compartment were slim to none.

"Sure, why not, Seamus," said Harry, pasting on his fake smile. He took a seat by the window, next to the sandy-haired Irish boy.

"Gee, Harry, you don't look so good," commented Neville, cheerfully. As per usual, he was holding Trevor, his toad. Harry privately suspected that Neville did this just so he wouldn't forget where he'd put Trevor; the round faced boy was well known for his forgetfulness and for his frequent misplacing of objects.

"Nev's right, Harry, you look like death warmed over," added Dean Thomas.

"I'm fine," lied Harry, trying to sound convincing. "I just haven't gotten much sleep lately, that's all." Harry rested his head on the back of the seat and closed his eyes. The other Gryffindors took the hint and talked quietly amongst themselves to allow Harry to 'sleep.' Harry greatly welcomed the silence. Ron and Hermione had not allowed him a moment's peace since they had arrived at the Leaky Cauldron. Harry knew exactly why they were doing it; they wanted to bring him out of his depression. However, the closer they tried to get with him, the worse Harry felt and made him even more depressed. He had sworn to distance himself from them for their physical safety, and his mental well-being, such as it was.

The Hogwarts Express got under way soon after Harry started resting his eyes, and before long, they were traveling through the English countryside. The plump witch pushing the food trolley soon came around and Seamus attempted to wake Harry to find out if he wanted anything. After not receiving a response, they left him alone, and Neville, ever the concerned Gryffindor, bought a variety of snacks in case Harry wanted any.

"Hey, guys," said Ron boisterously as he entered the compartment, followed by Hermione. "How were your summers?" Hermione slugged him in the arm. "Hey! What was that for?" Hermione didn't say anything, but pointed at what appeared to be a calmly sleeping Harry. "Oh, sorry…"

"Has he been like this all summer?" asked Neville in a worried tone.

"I don't know for certain, but I think so," said Hermione sadly. "He stayed with his relatives all summer and barely communicated with us. I don't think he's been getting hardly any sleep, and he just picked at his food when we ate dinner at the Leaky Cauldron. Plus, he seems to have perfected the mile-long stare."

"If you'd prefer, he can go to a different compartment so that you can talk about him without him hearing," said a voice from the corner. The other five in the car jumped at the sudden interruption and looked at Harry. His eyes were open, and though he still looked haggard, there were traces of a smirk on his face.

"Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry, Harry," said Hermione, her face turning bright red.

"Don't worry about it, Hermione," said Harry. "Just make sure I'm actually asleep next time, ok?" Harry smirked, and then turned his head towards the window and tuned out his fellow classmates.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. Harry spent most of his time looking out the window, while the others discussed their summers. Occasionally, they asked Harry a question, but after a few monosyllabic answers, they finally took the hint and left him alone.

As the train neared the Hogsmeade station, Harry finally broke his self-imposed silence.

"Wonder what happened to Malfoy," said Harry, musingly.

"That stupid git? Why would you care where he was?" asked Ron, shocked.

"Harry's got a point, Ron," said Hermione thoughtfully. "Every year, Malfoy comes to bother us on the train, but he didn't this year. I mean, we saw him at the prefect's meeting, so he's here, but he was fairly quiet then, too. I wonder what's going on there."

"Well, I definitely don't care what happened to Ferret Face," said Ron, adamantly. "It's too bad he even showed up this year at all. Look, Harry, we're here." And with a dull rumble, the Hogwarts Express pulled into the station. Soon, all the students were piling out of the train to retrieve their belongings and get to the thestral-drawn carriages waiting for them. All except the first-years, naturally. It was tradition that they travel across the lake in boats; Harry could already make out the large shadow of Hagrid, who would lead them across.

"Firs' years, this way! Firs' years, over here!" Hagrid's voice boomed out. Seeing Harry, the half-giant waved at the green-eyed boy, who smiled and waved back at him.

Whilst Ron and Hermione supervised the unloading of the train, Harry saw no reason to wait for his own belongings. So Harry quickly dug out his trunk and the cage containing Hedwig, and promptly ran into a little snag. This year, for his birthday, Harry had received quite a bit of clothing from various people. He also had some new books on Occlumency and Defense Against the Dark Arts. Thus, Harry's trunk was heavier than ever; Lupin had had to help him load it onto the train. Finally, Harry decided to drag his trunk with one hand while holding Hedwig's cage with the other. However, he hadn't gotten very far before somebody picked up the other end of the trunk, making his job a lot easier.

"Need a hand there, Harry?" asked Seamus with a grin. "Looks like yer having problems with this bloody heavy trunk."

"Thanks, Seamus," said Harry thankfully. "I wasn't getting too far on my own."

"No worries, Harry," said Seamus, still grinning. With Seamus's help, Harry quickly had his trunk loaded into one of the carriages. Before entering the carriage, Harry briefly looked at the thestral hitched to it. Not for the first time, Harry wished that he didn't have the ability to see them. Stifling a shudder, Harry got into the carriage, which already contained Seamus and Neville.

"Dean's riding with Ginny," offered Seamus. Harry just grinned and took a seat. Spacing out again, he didn't even notice Ron and Hermione joining them, nor did he talk during the entire ride to Hogwarts.

To our newly sorted students, welcome to Hogwarts," said Professor Dumbledore, standing before them as they sat at their respective House tables. "And to our returning students, we're glad to have you back." His kind eyes moved across the room, taking in everybody. "As usual, I have a few start of term announcements, but now is not the time for such things. Right now, all I have to say is tuck in!"

With those words, the food appeared in front of the students and everybody started digging in, everybody except for Harry, that is. Instead, his eyes scanned the room. He could already tell that there were students who had not returned this year, and there were fewer first years sorted than Harry had ever seen. Now that the Ministry had finally confirmed Voldemort's return, it appeared as if parents were afraid to send their children to Hogwarts. A stupid decision, in Harry's mind. The safest place for them was anywhere that Albus Dumbledore was. Just then, Harry's thoughts were interrupted.

"Mr. Potter," said Professor McGonagall, her face disapproving and her lips paper-thin as she viewed Harry's gaunt appearance. "Professor Dumbledore would like to speak with you once the feast is over. Once you're done eating, I'll take you to his office myself."

"Yes, Professor," said Harry, automatically, inwardly frowning. The last thing he needed was McGonagall and Dumbledore worrying about him too. Ron and Hermione were bad enough. Harry started eating a few bites of his dinner in hopes that McGonagall would be appeased and leave him alone for now. His plan worked; the Transfiguration professor left him alone to eat, though casting one more disapproving look at him.

Once she was gone, Harry put his fork back down and watched his fellow Hogwarts students eat, and tried to determine who hadn't come back. Most of Gryffindor House had returned, as had Slytherin. Hufflepuff had been the hardest hit, with Ravenclaw not too far behind them.

'Of course Slytherin would come back,' thought Harry, bitterly. 'They've got nothing to worry about, since they're all on Voldemort's side.' Harry briefly cast a glance at the Slytherin House table, and did notice one major change. Draco Malfoy, Harry's nemesis since the first day of school, no longer had his bodyguards Crabbe and Goyle; they were nowhere to be found. Just as importantly, Malfoy no longer appeared to be the center of attention at the table. And not too happy about the state of affairs, from all indicators. Harry saw him scowling down at Pansy Parkinson and Theodore Nott every so often. Until he caught Harry watching him, then he glared at Harry as well.

Turning his attention back to his table, Harry noticed that his supper was gone and dessert was already on the table. Not that he had been planning to eat his dinner, anyway. Harry grabbed a single dessert and managed to eat half of it. Soon, Professor Dumbledore stood up.

"Well, now that we have all filled our bellies and quenched our thirsts, it is now time to hear me waffle on." Professor Dumbledore's voice was, as ever, filled with amusement. "I must ask you to try not to doze off while I'm speaking, or at least keep your snoring quiet so that others can hear me." A low chuckle could be heard from many of the returning students. "First off, as usual, the Forbidden Forest is off-limits to students, as is Hogsmeade to anyone below third-year. Mr. Filch wants me to remind you that there is to be no magic in the corridors between classes, and that there is a new and improved list of all the items forbidden in the school. Strangely enough, many of the items added this year include Portable Swamps, Wildfire Whiz-Bangs, and other items coming from a shop called Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes." Dumbledore paused for a second as a good portion of the returning students laughed openly. The Weasley twins had certainly made their last year at Hogwarts memorable. Harry even managed to crack a smile at the Headmaster's comment. His investment of his Tri-Wizard winnings had certainly paid off, at least in entertainment value.

Dumbledore picked up where he had left off. "I would also like to introduce you to our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor William W. Parthagonian." A tall dark-haired man in fine tailored robes who was sitting at the far end of the table stood up, and nodded his head at the students. Harry was rather forcibly reminded of the elder Mr. Crouch, what with his well-groomed appearance, neatly trimmed hair, and tailored robes. "Thank you all for putting up with my rambling, and I hope you all have a good night's rest. Come Monday, classes begin anew."

"Ah, Mr. Potter," said Professor Dumbledore. "Thank you for giving me time to talk to you; I know you must be worn out from your train ride and all the confusion that the start of term always brings." Harry was sitting down in front of Dumbledore's desk, while the man himself paced thoughtfully behind it. To the right of Harry, Professor McGonagall sat quietly.

"Thank you, Professor, I am a little tired," said Harry, with his fake smile already in place. Hopefully the Headmaster would keep it short if Harry told him that.

"Well, in that case, I'll try to keep it brief and to the point," said Dumbledore, as if he wasn't aware of what Harry was trying to do. Though Harry suspected that the old man could see right through him and his little charade. "First of all, there's the issue of your Occlumency lessons. I trust you've been practicing this summer, and reading up on the subject?"

"Yes, I have," said Harry. "I've gotten much better at blocking out my thoughts at night, and my scar hasn't been hurting as much this summer."

"Wonderful, Harry, that's wonderful," said Dumbledore, his voice sounding relieved. "Needless to say, I'd like for you to continue to take practical lessons this year."

"With who?" asked Harry. "I doubt Professor Snape wants to teach me again; he seems irate enough that I managed to get into his NEWTS Potions class. Are you going to teach me, sir?"

"Unfortunately, Harry," said Professor Dumbledore, his voice regretful, "the Order is very busy right now, and I wouldn't be able to give you all the attention that you need if you're going to be successful at Occlumency."

"Then who does that leave?" asked Harry, secretly relieved that it wasn't going to be Dumbledore. He didn't want the Headmaster to know his thoughts and feelings from the last couple of months. The nightmares he had had.

"That leaves one of the more talented Occlumens in the country, Harry," said Dumbledore, smiling once again. "Our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Parthagonian, is willing to hone your skills, as he put it. Don't worry," Dumbledore added as Harry looked at him doubtfully. "Professor Parthagonian is a well-respected wizard, and is a recent addition to the Order of the Phoenix. I trust him implicitly, as should you."

"Yes, Professor," said Harry, his concern fading only a little. Dumbledore vouched for the man, but he also vouched for Severus Snape. When considered that way, Harry was still worried.

"Just speak to Professor Parthagonian when you have his class, and I'm sure you'll be able to work out some sort of schedule. Now then, Harry, to a slightly more personal topic." Harry visibly stiffened. "Professor McGonagall informed me that she received a letter, sent by owl, which indicated that you have expressed a lack of ambition in regards to your current career path of Auror, and indeed, an overall indifference to any sort of career."

Harry mentally groaned. This was not going to be an enjoyable conversation. If he ever found out who sent the letter, he was going to throttle them to death. As Dumbledore and McGonagall rambled on about the unhealthiness of not having any ambitions and his general state of apathy, Harry's mind tuned out the lecture and randomly started thinking about what he would do if he had the power to kill people with his thoughts. His first thought was that the queues at the movies would be much shorter. Then, Harry's mind vaguely registered the fact that Dumbledore had asked him a question. Harry focused on the Headmaster, trying to remember the question.

"Erm… What?" asked Harry, finally giving up. "I'm sorry, Professor. I've just had a lot on my mind at the moment." Thankfully, Dumbledore seemed to take that as an answer, if not necessarily the one he was looking for. "I'll try to concentrate on my future ambitions more, Professor. I was just feeling a little down when I said that. It's nothing to worry about." Neither professor looked convinced, but fortunately, it looked as though they didn't want to dig any deeper in that particular subject at the moment.

"Very well, Harry," said Dumbledore, finally. "I guess it's time for you to head back to Gryffindor Tower. Sleep well, Harry."

"Thank you, Professor," said Harry, happy that the Spanish Inquisition was at an end.

"Come, Potter," said McGonagall crisply. "I'll take you back to Gryffindor. We don't want you walking about by yourself at night, after all."


	3. Why Don't You Come and Play?

A/N: And thus the story picks up, and a neglected character steps into the foreground! Also, stay tuned for the next chapter, coming within a day or so!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything connected to it; that would be JK Rowling and Scholastic Books. So don't sue; I'm broke.. heh..

Thanks to Serpentess, valkayrie, and The Kid In The Corner for their reviews!! I appreciate it!

Note: This Chapter was updated as of 10/17/07

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Going Through the Motions

by Squall Thrawn

Chapter 3 - Why Don't You Come And Play

"Come on, Ron, it's a great idea!" said Seamus imploringly. While Harry was meeting with Professor Dumbledore, the rest of Gryffindor House was heading back to their tower after the feast. All of the sixth-year male Gryffindors, with the exception of Harry, were traveling in a close knot, listening to Seamus's idea.

"I don't know, Seamus," said Ron, shaking his head. "I mean, it does sound like fun, in an embarrassing way. But I don't know if Harry will go for it. I mean, do you seriously think Harry's in the mood for Truth or Dare?"

"That's the whole point!" said Seamus as the small group passed through the portrait hole indicating the entrance to Gryffindor Tower. "I mean, I don't know what Harry's feeling or anything, but I'm sure he wants the chance to forget all of his troubles, at least for one night." The four of them sat down in front of the fireplace.

"Seamus has a point, Ron," said Neville, nodding thoughtfully. He was quite worried about Harry; unlike Seamus and Dean, he had fought alongside Harry in the Department of Mysteries. In fact, he had probably seen more of the battle than Ron or Hermione, in particular the part where Harry had lost his godfather. Neville had heard Harry's cries of despair, had seen the anguished look on Harry's face as the first father-figure he had ever had was taken away from him. Neville understood exactly where Harry's depression was coming from, and he thought that perhaps a frivolous game like Truth or Dare might help to take the edge off of his worries.

"Fine!" Ron exclaimed, throwing his arms up in surrender. "Just remember that it was your idea if Harry gets mad." Seamus merely chuckled. Ron shook his head at him. "So, are we inviting Hermione along?"

"I see no reason why not," said Seamus thoughtfully. "She'd probably get mad if we didn't, or turn us in to McGonagall or something. And what about Ginny? You know she'll curse us all into next week if we don't invite her."

"Okay!" said Ron, exasperated. "But just those two; otherwise, Harry probably won't agree to it. And you're the one that's gonna have to ask him."

"That'll be a piece of cake," said Seamus, confidently.

"Hell, no!" exclaimed Harry. After his meeting with Dumbledore, Harry just wanted to curl up in his bed and not wake up until classes started in a couple of days. And now Seamus wanted him to play Truth or Dare?

"Come on, Harry, ye've got to play!" said Seamus, a note of whining entering his voice. He had stayed behind in the common room to wait for Harry; the rest of the sixth-years had been reluctant to witness firsthand Harry's reaction to Seamus's idea and had fled up to their rooms. "It'll be tons of fun! I mean, how often do you get to watch your mates making total prats of themselves?"

"Erm… Every day?" returned Harry, dryly.

"Yeah, yeah, jolly joke," grumbled Seamus good-naturedly. His tone turned pleading. "Why not, Harry? Dean can wrangle up some butterbeer, and I've even snagged a bottle of firewhisky! Fun times for all!"

"Listen, Seamus," said Harry, his tone serious, but not harsh. He truly appreciated the Irish boy's attempts to cheer him up. Last year, Seamus had practically called him a liar because of Harry's claims that Voldemort was back. Thankfully, after the interview Harry had done for The Quibbler, Seamus had finally believed him, and had even joined the D.A.. Now it appeared as if Seamus was trying to overcompensate, to make up for his past actions. "I really do appreciate how you're trying to cheer me up, but I really don't think that a game like Truth or Dare is going to make all these things I have going on, disappear. And I know if Ron and Hermione are playing, they're going to just interrogate me as to how I feel, and I bloody well don't feel like talking about it!" Harry finished practically yelling.

Seamus looked stunned for a moment. For the first time since he had invited Harry into his train compartment earlier that day, he finally saw Harry's guard come down, saw Harry actually show some genuine emotion. Then the sandy haired boy responded, his voice so low that Harry almost had to strain to hear him. "I understand, Harry. I mean, I don't know what you're going through, though I do want to. Listen, I know we've never been particularly close." Seamus put his head down. "Hell, I was such a prick around you last year, I'm surprised you're still willing to put up with me." Seamus looked back up and stared Harry right in the eyes. "I guess I just finally realized this summer just how stupid I was. You have had so much to deal with, and you never asked for any of it to happen to you. Being mocked in the Daily Prophet, being harassed by the Ministry of Magic. And then here I was in Gryffindor Tower, not being a friend, but instead calling you a liar." Seamus looked shamefully at Harry's gaunt, careworn face, feeling slightly afraid that he in part had helped cause it.

"Seamus..," said Harry, overwhelmed by the sandy-haired Gryffindor's unexpected response.

"Please, Harry, let me finish," said Seamus, grimacing. "I guess I just wanted to say, I want to try to make it all up to you and regain your trust. And, I… I'd like the chance to get to know you better. To become your friend. That's part of the reason why I suggested Truth or Dare. But, honestly, I do also think that our little game of Truth or Dare could do you some good. It'll give you a chance to unwind, one night where you don't have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Also, once classes begin, you'll probably be swamped in classes. I've heard that sixth-year is brutal. And you'll be busy studying, hanging out with Ron and Hermione, practicing Quidditch." Seamus shrugged. "I think a night of frivolous fun is just what we need. So what do you think, Harry?"

Harry was silent for a moment, gazing into the fireplace as he considered everything Seamus had said. Seamus took his lack of response to be a 'no' to Truth or Dare, or perhaps also a 'no' in regards to a friendship with Seamus in general, and got up as if to head to the dormitories.

"Wait, Seamus," said Harry, grabbing Seamus's robes to stop him. The Irish boy regarded him a moment, and then sat back down. "I'll be honest with you, I'm not entirely sure how to respond to all of that, at least at this time." Seamus merely nodded, with a resigned look on his face. "However, I appreciate all that you said, and maybe one day I _will_ tell you what all has been weighing on my mind, when I feel like talking about it. And I understand why you're so adamant about Truth or Dare, it's just that I don't want to force any of this out."

"Well, there's always one way around that," mused Seamus. "I'll have a talk with all of the others who are playing, and I'll make it clear that we're ta stay off of those or other serious topics. After all, the goal is to have fun, and serious questions have no place in that! How does that sound?"

With that, Harry finally broke out into a smile, albeit a small one. "Then I guess I'm in."

"Great!" shouted Seamus joyously. "Trust me, Harry, you're going to have a lot of fun tomorrow night."

"With you planning the activities?" said Harry, the small smile still on his face. "I don't doubt it."

Seamus looked extremely gratified at the compliment. "I guess we should be heading for bed now, Harry?" Harry nodded, and the two of them made their way up the stairs to the sixth-year boy's dormitory. Harry was shocked to find three doors instead of one. "Didn't you know, Harry? One of the benefits of being a sixth-year! Yer rooming with Ron; he mentioned it on the train, ya know."

"Oh," said Harry, looking a tad embarrassed. "I wasn't paying much attention then."

"No worries, mate," said Seamus grandly. "Yours is the one on the left. See ya in the morning, Harry."

"Thanks, Seamus," said Harry, smiling at the Irish boy one more time before heading through the door that Seamus indicated. Ron was sitting on his bed reading through an old issue of _Quidditch Illustrated_, but as Harry entered, Ron sat up with a wary expression on his face.

"Sorry, Harry, it was his idea," said Ron really quickly. "And everybody else agreed with him." Ron looked so defensive that Harry couldn't resist pulling his leg a little.

"And you went along with it," said Harry in a very cold voice. And even though he didn't know it, with all the shadows in the room, his gaunt face looked almost skeletal. Which explained the absolutely horrified look on Ron's face as Harry uttered those words.

"I'm so, so, sorry," Ron managed to get out as he stared into Harry's face.

Harry held his look for a few more seconds, then relaxed his face. "Ron, I really couldn't resist." With that, Harry broke out into a grin. Ron looked at Harry with an incredulous expression for a second before a sheepish grin appeared on his own face.

"Berk!" yelled Ron, still smiling. "Harry, you completely scared me. Especially the look on your face."

"The look on my face?" said Harry innocently. "You're the one that was looking at me like I might explode or something!"

"Well, I figured you wouldn't be too happy with me for going along with Seamus's crazy plan," muttered Ron. "I hope you didn't yell at him too much, he did mean well. That's why I finally went along with it."

"I know, Ron," said Harry, quietly. "And to borrow a Muggle phrase, he made me an offer I couldn't refuse. I'm in."

Ron looked delightedly. "That's great, Harry! I do hope you know that this means that you're still a complete mystery to me. I was positive you were going to refuse."

"Then my work is done," said Harry in an enigmatic tone. He started pulling off his robes and getting ready for bed.

"Harry..," said Ron in a wondering tone. "This is the best mood you've been in since.. well, its been a while, let's leave it at that. Was it Dumbledore or McGonagall?"

"No," said Harry shortly. He pulled out a pair of his pajamas and started putting them on. "They just added to my problems. As did some nameless person who sent McGonagall a letter detailing my supposed behavior at the Leaky Cauldron."

Ron tried not to let a guilty expression cross his face. He didn't want to know how Harry would react if he found out that Molly Weasley had sent the letter after listening to Ron and his encounters with the morbidly depressed Harry.

"Then who was it?" asked Ron, trying to change the subject; also, he was wondering who had cheered Harry up.

"Seamus," said Harry, simply. "I think we've underestimated him all these years." With that, Harry got into bed and turned out the light. Ron shrugged for a moment, and turned out his as well. He was still curious as to what Seamus had said to make Harry cheerful and willing to play Truth or Dare, but if Harry didn't want to talk about it, Ron would deal. As he had been doing a lot lately.


	4. I'll Never Tell

A/N: Not too much to say here, but there's more comments on the bottom, about the chapter...

Thanx to Ava, Lena18, and Robin the Bird and thanx to Vasquaz! Sorry for forgetting ya last time!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything connected to it; that would be JK Rowling and Scholastic Books. So don't sue; I'm broke.. heh..

Note: This Chapter was updated as of 10/17/07

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Going Through the Motions

By Squall Thrawn

Chapter 4 - I'll Never Tell

"He said yes?!" exclaimed Hermione. "I can't believe it!" She, along with Ron and Neville, were sitting in the Great Hall, eating breakfast. Harry had told Ron that he would catch up to them in a little while; he said he wanted to get some more sleep.

"I know!" exclaimed Ron. "I would have bet a galleon that Harry would refuse to play!" He shook his head disbelievingly.

"I wonder how Seamus did it?" mused Neville. Even though he had a room to himself, he had been hanging out in the one that Seamus shared with Dean when Seamus had appeared with the biggest grin on his face.

"Didn't he tell you?" questioned Hermione.

Neville shook his head. "No, he didn't. He just told us that he had a meaningful conversation with Harry and that afterwards, Harry agreed to play Truth or Dare on one condition."

"Harry didn't mention the condition when he talked to me," said Ron. "He just said that Seamus had talked him into playing Truth or Dare, and that we've been underestimating him all of these years."

"Well, of course yeh have," said Seamus, sitting down next to Neville. Dean and Ginny were right behind him and sat down as well.

"Conceited much?" asked Ron sarcastically. Seamus merely gave him an unrepentant smile. "So what's this condition you agreed to?"

"Oh, I'm sure you can guess," said Seamus. "Harry doesn't feel like answering questions about what he's feeling, last summer, that sort of thing." Seamus looked pointedly at Ron and Hermione. "He seems to think that certain people might use the opportunity to interrogate him on those subjects."

Ron looked slightly uncomfortable, but Hermione looked unabashed. "Can you blame me for thinking that?" she asked. "I do worry about him, after all."

"We all do, Hermione," said Ginny, frowning briefly. "But as Seamus said last night, the whole purpose of this game was so Harry could have a chance to have fun without thinking about all that stuff."

"I mean, we're not asking Harry to just forget all that stuff," said Seamus. "Even if we did, he wouldn't listen. You know how he is." Seamus smiled briefly.

"Talking about me again?" said a voice from above them. Harry was smiling slightly as he sat down next to Ron.

"Naturally!" said Seamus, grinning. "We were just discussing about how Neville is totally smitten with you!"

Harry's only reaction was to offer Seamus a tight-lipped smile very reminiscent of Professor McGonagall. Neville's reaction was much more satisfying; he seemed to be resembling a goldfish.

"Ease up, Neville," said Ginny soothingly. "Seamus is just yanking your chain." She glared at Seamus, whose grin didn't falter in the least. Neville's face finally started turning back from the bright crimson it had been.

As the others continued to harangue the Irish boy over his embarrassment of Neville, Harry got to work. He managed to spread the food in his plate around to make it appear as if he'd already eaten. After his talk with Seamus the night before, Harry had managed to block out his problems for a while, convincingly enough that Ron actually believed that Harry was getting better. But with sleep approaching, Harry's emotional barriers had weakened and his problems had come back full force, with a new addition. Now that Seamus had shared his hopes and aspirations of reconciling their recent past and becoming friends with Harry, Harry had yet another person to worry about. He was already trying to keep Ron, Hermione, and Ginny at a distance for their own safety, and Neville seemed to be trying to become more friendly with Harry as well. And now Seamus had made his way to the list. Another person to distance himself from, another person to keep secrets from.

Thus far, it had not been hard to keep his secrets from Hermione and Ron. Oh, they pushed and prodded for answers, but that had actually only made it easier for Harry. He had never liked people pressing him for answers, so all the insistent questions instead awoke his stubborn side. And Harry had found that all it took was a few angry words and then sullen silence, and the interrogation was halted. Ron and Hermione were much too tenderhearted about it, and just postponed the questions still some other time. Then they'd go through the same routine the next time. Neville and Ginny were even easier to keep secrets from; they didn't even know the entire story, so they couldn't figure out what they weren't being told.

But Harry could somehow tell that Seamus was different. He didn't even seem like the same Seamus who had left at the end of last term. He was slightly quieter and a touch more serious than last year, significant changes for the Irish boy. And despite his vow not to get close to anybody, and to drive off those who were already close, Harry found himself actually curious to see exactly how much Seamus had changed. And to find out why he cared enough about Harry that he would strive so hard to befriend him. 'But wait,' Harry halted himself mentally. 'I can't afford to get too close to him. All I can do is get him hurt, and make him a target for Voldemort. I can't do that to him.'

Abruptly, Harry stood up. "Guys, I'm going for a walk. I should be back in time for lunch." Without further ado, Harry started walking off, trying to distance himself both mentally and physically from those who would care about him. His friends sitting at the table looked at his retreating back before glancing at one another with worried looks. Hermione sighed, before silently continuing to eat her breakfast. The others followed suit. Most of the others. However, there were two pairs of eyes that gazed at the doors that Harry had just left through.

It was another beautiful afternoon at Hogwarts as Harry sat below a shady beech tree that was overlooking the lake. Since he hadn't been in the mood for receiving frequent inquiring looks by his well-meaning friends, Harry had elected to skip lunch and grab some food from the kitchen afterwards. The giant squid was lazily swimming across the lake as Harry sat there under the tree; but for all that he noticed, the squid could have been doing the foxtrot with Snape and he wouldn't have realized it. Involved in a deep inner monologue, Harry didn't even notice the sun being blocked out by somebody standing in front of him. He only noticed when that somebody finally spoke.

"Trying to ignore me, Potter?" said a familiar drawling voice. Harry knew before he looked up that his visitor was none other than one Draco Malfoy.

"Would it work, Malfoy?" asked Harry, somewhat wryly. Before this year, Harry had hated Malfoy with a fiery passion that had often led the two of them to frequent impromptu duels in the corridors or angry words exchanged. But at this point, any anger Harry still had was overshadowed by the sheer pain that Harry still felt for the loss of his godfather and Cedric. Malfoy was simply a secondary concern.

"Not hardly, Potter, " snarled Malfoy. "You've got a lot of balls to come back here this year. I'm going to make you regret sending my father to Azkaban." With that, Malfoy whipped out his wand.

"That's probably not a good idea, Malfoy," said Harry, not moving a muscle. "I seriously doubt that I'm sitting here unsupervised. After all, I don't think Dumbledore's going to just let me go wherever I want without protection when there are Death Eater wannabes running around." Malfoy quickly looked around the area. Harry arched an eyebrow. "Do you want to sit down?"

"I.. You.." sputtered Malfoy, caught completely flatfooted. "Did you just ask me to sit down?"

"Well, yeah," said Harry, smiling slightly. "Because my neck's hurting something terrible from having to look up all this time. Besides, it's such a nice day out, and there's plenty of shade under this tree." He patted the ground beside him invitingly.

Surprisingly, Malfoy actually looked like he was considering Harry's last statement, before he managed to regain his regular sneer. "Not on your life, Potter!" With that, Malfoy stomped off angrily.

Harry grinned a little before leaning his head back against the tree again and closing his eyes. It seemed that that tactic had worked much better than he had thought it would have.

"All right there, Harry?" A voice came from behind him that he recognized, but Harry didn't feel like turning to find out. Though it sounded like something Colin Creevey would say. "Harry?" Now the voice was in front of him. Harry opened his eyes to be greeted by Seamus's worried face.

"If this keeps up, I'm going to start thinking that you're stalking me, Irishman," said Harry without changing his expression.

Seamus grinned for a second. "I saw Malfoy standing over you, and thought the worst; after all, he tried to ambush you on the Hogwarts Express last year."

Harry snorted. "Now that Crabbe and Goyle are gone, Malfoy isn't nearly as brave. A good bluff was all it took to scare him away. Also, there's something off about him this year. Not sure what it is, though. It almost seemed to me like he was putting on an act, and strangely enough, he seems to be deliberately overplaying the act. I did notice last night that he doesn't seem to have control of Slytherin House anymore. Makes me wonder what he's really up to." Harry, shrugged, then laughed mirthlessly. "But more to the point, what's on your mind, Seamus? I do know that I'm far enough away from the castle that the only way you'd be able to see my confrontation with Malfoy would be if you were heading this way anyway."

"Guilty as charged," said Seamus, grinning sheepishly. "Ron and Hermione didn't see you at lunch, and were wondering if they'd missed you or what. They can't bring themselves ta admit that you might be missing lunch altogether just to avoid them. I, on the other hand, have no such illusions. Looks like I'm right, too, doesn't it?" Seamus gave Harry a piercing glance.

"Seamus…" said Harry, sighing. Why did Seamus insist on making this so hard? "If you don't mind, I just want to be left alone. I really don't feel like talking, and I'm not at all hungry." Just then, his stomach betrayed him by growling loudly.

Seamus arched an eyebrow, but didn't call attention to Harry's blatant lie. "If you say so, Harry. If you don't mind then, I'll just sit and picnic here and leave you alone. I mean, after all, it's way too nice outside ta just eat in that musty old castle." With that, the Irish boy sat down next to Harry and pulled out of his bag quite a bit of food left over from lunch. Mostly rolls and other breads, but there was also a chicken leg wrapped up in a thin plastic. "Me mam taught me that spell; she used to use it for my lunches." said Seamus, gesturing towards the wrapping. Tapping the chicken with his wand, the wrapping disappeared. Setting down all the food between himself and Harry, Seamus sampled one of the rolls. "Looks like I've grabbed way too much food, though. I doubt I'll be able to eat all this food by myself," he said, thoughtfully. "Too bad there's nobody around who's hungry at all…"

Harry looked at the food in front of him for a moment, before giving in and picking up the chicken leg. "Thanks, Seamus," said Harry simply. It was just a simple lunch, wasn't it? He could still keep his distance, without going completely hungry, right?

"No worries, mate," replied Seamus. "This last summer, I had times where I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts, without getting the third degree on what I was thinking about. Drove Dean absolutely batty, let me tell ya. But he finally realized that I would tell him when I was ready, and that sometimes all a friend can do is just stand back and offer silent support until the other person is ready ta talk. I've got yer back, Harry, and I'll give ya all the time you need." Seamus smiled towards Harry, who responded with a slight one in return. The conversation was left there, as the two of them sat there the rest of the afternoon in silence, looking at the lake while polishing off the food Seamus had brought.

"Okay, let's get this evening started!" said Seamus with a huge smile on his face. Dean Thomas nodded and pulled a small crate out from under Seamus's bed. After he opened it, the others looked in it to find about two dozen bottles of butterbeer. While Dean started passing a bottle of butterbeer to everybody in the room, Seamus opened up his trunk and pulled out a cloth-wrapped bundle. Grinning at everybody, he pulled out a bottle of Ogden's Firewhisky and several shot glasses. Hermione looked fairly disapproving, but didn't say anything, while Neville gulped audibly.

Hermione, Ron, and Harry were all sitting on Seamus's bed, while Ginny was sitting on Dean's bed. Neville was sitting on a comfortable chair next to Seamus's bed. Dean finished distributing the bottles, handing Seamus one before sitting down next to Ginny.

"Ok, let's get the rules straight," said Seamus, opening up his butterbeer. "We all know the first one, don't bother Harry with any stupid prying questions." Harry grimaced as the others glanced his way. "Next, when it's your turn, pick different people each time. It's no fun if you just concentrate on one person. There'll be no dares that are dangerous or would get somebody into serious trouble here at school. Other than that, anything goes. Finally, if you refuse to perform a dare or answer a question, you have to do a shot of firewhisky with no chaser. Everybody clear?" The others nodded. "Now, who wants to open up the festivities with a shot of firewhisky?"

Hermione quickly shook her head, and persuaded Ron to abstain as well, by shooting him a fierce glare. Ginny waved off the shot glass, as did Dean. The look on Neville's face was answer enough. Seamus looked questioningly at Harry. "Yeh wouldn't want ta let an Irishman drink alone, now would yeh?"

Harry considered quickly. On the one hand, his experience with firewhisky was fairly limited and Harry was reasonably certain that it probably wouldn't take too much to affect him. And Harry knew that if he let his guard down, he would probably let slip something that he shouldn't. But at the same time, Seamus had been right about one thing. This was one of the last nights Harry was going to be able to endulge himself before term started. Why not go all out?

"Pour me the drinks, Irish, and I'll match you," said Harry, boldly stepping up and challenging Seamus. Seamus looked delighted.

"I accept that challenge," replied Seamus, as he quickly poured Harry and then himself a shot. He handed Harry the firewhisky shot and held his own up. "To friends, old and new," toasted Seamus. The two boys clinked glasses, and then quickly downed their shots. Seamus had no problem with his shot, merely grinning at the others. Harry, on the other hand, shivered violently after the shot went down. He took a quick swig of butterbeer to wash it down.

"Bloody hell, Seamus," exclaimed Harry. "That's some strong stuff you've got."

Seamus grinned. "Yeh forget I'm Irish, me boy. That's like milk to me." Seamus looked to the rest of the Gryffindors. "Why don't we get this show on the road?"

"Sounds good," said Ron, grinning. "Since this was all your idea, I think you should start us out."

"Well, you're right on that account, Ron," said Seamus as he settled down on the other side of Dean. "But this game slash party is in honor of Harry over there, so it's only right that he go first."

"Fine, I will," said Harry. He willed himself not to think about Voldemort, or the prophecy, or the deaths of Sirius and Cedric. He was here to forget all that, and to have fun, and he was bloody well going to! Time to start the game. Harry turned to Neville, grinning suddenly. "Neville." The chubby boy turned quickly to Harry. "Truth or Dare, Neville?"

"Umm.. Truth," said Neville diffidently.

The grin on Harry's face was positively evil. "In the average week, how many times do you wank?"

Neville's face drained of all color. Seamus and Dean both snickered. Neville looked like he was going to refuse and ask for his firewhisky shot, but then he steeled his expression. "About three times a week, Harry."

The others cheered at Neville's bravery, while Seamus wolf-whistled at him. Harry grinned at Neville. Neville smiled back at him, and took a long swig of his butterbeer.

"Ginny." Neville looked at the short red-haired girl. "Truth or Dare."

"Truth, Neville," said Ginny calmly. Her voice was calm; she didn't seem too worried at any sort of truth that Neville could come up with.

"Ginny, how far have you gotten with Dean? First base, third base, what?" Harry's and Hermione's mouths dropped open after hearing Neville's response. Ginny and Dean were looking very uncomfortable while Ron looked thunderstruck. Seamus merely looked on delightedly.

"Second base," said Ginny, finally. She then turned to Ron. "Don't say a word, Ron. Except one, that is. Truth or Dare, Ron?" She schooled her face into one of complete innocence.

Since he'd lived with her for so long, Ron wasn't fooled by Ginny's expression. But at the same time, Ron didn't really think that Ginny would come up with a decent dare. "Dare."

Ginny smiled at Neville devilishly for a second before turning to Ron. "Ron, I dare you to moon Neville here."

Except for Ron and Neville who were sitting there looking shocked to the core and Ginny who was looking content with herself, the remaining people in the room started giggling.

"Ginny…" Ron started whining. "I'm your brother, for Merlin's sake."

"Are you going to be the brother that couldn't even last one round of Truth or Dare?" asked Ginny calmly. "Just think of what Fred and George will say…" Ron glared at her fiercely; she seemed to ignore it. "Come on, Ron. Five seconds, that's all. Surely your pride can survive that long."

Muttering under his breath, Ron walked over to Neville, who seemed horrified at what was about to happen. Turning around, Ron lifted up his robes and pulled at his trousers. "Time me," said Ron, grimacing. With a heave, he pulled down his boxer shorts. The others couldn't see a thing because of his robes, but from the look on Neville's face, Ron was definitely mooning him.

"Time's up," said Hermione with a giggle. She definitely found the whole deal rather amusing. Nor was she the only one; Seamus looked like he was about to cry, he was laughing so hard.

Ron quickly pulled up his boxers and trousers, and straightened out his robes.

"Get a good look, Nev?" asked Seamus, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Neville swallowed audibly, before grinning and looking back at Seamus. "Enough to know that you're right, Seamus. His bum _is_ better looking than his face." With that comment, everybody started laughing again, except for Ron, naturally.

"You'll pay for that one, Longbottom," said Ron threateningly, before smiling briefly at the boy to show he was kidding. "Now, who's going to be my target?

And the game went on. After Ginny's unexpected and shocking dare, there were quite a few truths revealed before anybody had the guts to do any dares. And as a result, Harry found out things about his fellow Gryffindors that he hadn't known before. He found out about how Seamus, over the course of the previous summer, had lost a bet to Dean and had been forced to walk around the whole day in drag. Ron was forced to recount the time when Fred and George woke him up one morning with a garden gnome in his face and Ron wet himself. And with her face blushing, Hermione told them all about the day when she played doctor with the boy who lived next door.

Eventually, though, after enough butterbeer and a few more shots of firewhisky for Harry and Seamus, and even one for Ron despite Hermione's disapproval, everybody started loosening up. The word 'dare' was used much more frequently, and everybody started attempting to one-up the previous dare. As a result, the mooning incident started looking tame in comparison. Harry dared Hermione to pretend that she was Crookshanks and sniff Ron's arse before rubbing up against him. Hermione in turn dared Dean to give Ginny a sexy lap dance and strip tease down to his drawers. Ron had looked a tad shocked at that one, but held his tongue. As Dean pulled his clothes back on, he turned to his best friend, the one who had been mocking him the entire time he was stripping.

"Truth or Dare, Seamus." Dean looked determined to get back at the Irish boy.

"Dare," said Seamus, grinning.

"Ok, Seamus," said Dean, evilly. "Since you enjoyed making fun of my body while I was stripping, let's see you do better. I dare you to strip in front of all of us. And…" Dean picked up a plastic cup from a nearby table. "This is all you get to wear until the end of your next turn."

Seamus took the cup gingerly from Dean. He sat there for a moment, as if contemplating whether or not to forfeit on the dare and be declared a chicken. Harry found himself actually hoping that Seamus would take the dare. Despite sharing a dormitory with the Irish boy for five years, it had been quite a while since Harry had caught a glimpse of Seamus's unclothed body. And Harry could already tell that Seamus had put on a fair amount of muscle over the summer break. Just then, Harry came up with an idea to help Seamus decide to take the dare.

"Need a shot of firewhisky to help?" asked Harry, in a helpful tone, with just a twinge of hopefulness. Seamus nodded quickly, and the two boys downed another shot each. Harry could already tell that despite his claims, Seamus was slightly buzzed. Harry himself, the lightweight, was more than a litle buzzed, and enjoying himself quite a bit.

Seamus moved into the centre of the room, still a little hesitant. And then for reasons unknown to Harry, the Irish boy seemed to look at Harry for support. Without fully knowing why, Harry gave Seamus a suggestive wink. It seemed to work, though. Seamus grinned wickedly back at Harry, and then started his dance. First pulling off his robes, Seamus then started dancing to the beat of some unheard music as he slowly pulled his shirt off. Harry couldn't help but notice Seamus's trim, fit body, his hairless chest. Seamus didn't throw his shirt away, but instead started swinging it around with one hand. Finally tossing it, Seamus unbuckled his belt, and pulled it off as well.

"Hey, keep that belt out for Neville," jibed Ron. "He might want to use it later." Neville stared daggers at Ron, who didn't seem to notice. The others weren't paying attention either; Ginny and Hermione were watching Seamus's performance, entranced, as was Harry, who couldn't help himself. Dean was half shocked, and half awed at his best friend's antics. It seemed as if Seamus was actually trying to give the performance of a lifetime.

Seamus, who hadn't listened to Ron's colorful comment, continued his dance, still listening to that inner soundtrack. Unbuttoning his pants, he stopped there for a moment to run his hands over his taut chest. Then, his hands crept down and pulled down his trousers. Quickly kicking off his pants, Seamus continued to dance in his boxers while the others gasped. Even Ron and Neville were watching his dance, with their mouths open. Seamus gyrated back and forth, his muscles flexing as he moved. Suddenly grinning at them, Seamus moved so that his back was to everybody. Still moving, Seamus suddenly pulled his boxers down and everybody was abruptly greeted with the sight of Seamus's pale bum. The Irish boy continued dancing with his back to them, then suddenly grabbed the plastic cup, placed it over his crotch, and sat down next to Dean as if nothing had happened.

Seamus looked around at the others, who seemed to have no words to describe what they had just seen; and were still seeing. Harry, in particular, kept glancing covertly at Seamus's all but nude form. After one such look, Seamus caught his glance and returned it with a sly wink. Harry quickly turned his head, blushing at being caught. Seamus, looking rather pleased at Harry's attention, turned towards Ginny and continued the game.

"Truth or Dare, Ginny," said Seamus calmly. Ginny, surprised at his nonchalant tone, stared at him for a moment before answering.

The game continued, as the six teens continued drinking their butterbeer. Harry was now feeling fairly well buzzed and in no mood for another shot of firewhisky, while Seamus found himself unable to pour with one hand. (Since the other was keeping the plastic cup in place). Neville had just found out about a stuffed animal Ron had owned when he was a kid, and Ron was now surveying the room. And saw the one person he hadn't gotten properly yet. "Harry, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare, naturally," said Harry, grinning. Ron hadn't come up with a decent dare so far that night.

"Very well," said Ron, grinning. He had it all planned out: kill two birds with one stone. "I dare you… to pull down your trousers enough so that Dean can grab your arse with both hands for ten seconds."

Harry glared at Ron. 'Yeah, now he comes up with a good one,' thought Harry wryly. And then a thought came to him as he looked from Ron to the plastic cup-clad Seamus. He would play along with this, but Ron was going down after this.

"Come on, Dean," said Harry, gesturing to the tall black boy. Dean gingerly got up from his seat, walking towards the smaller boy. Harry quickly whispered his plan into Dean's ear, who was soon grinning from ear to ear. "Let's just get this over with," said Harry in a normal tone. He slowly and deliberately pulled down his trousers, mooning Ron in the process. "Why don't you kiss this, Ron?" taunted Harry.

Hermione and Ginny looked rather shocked at this; in fact, so far tonight they had done so every time that Harry had acted atypically. But Hermione then realized that Harry so seldom had a chance to lower his guard, be himself, and not have any expectations of what he was supposed to say and do.

Shaking his head, Dean quickly grasped Harry's arse with both hands while Ginny timed them. Once the ten seconds were up, Dean quickly removed his hands and retreated back towards Ginny while giving her an apologetic look. The red-headed girl merely laughed and put her hand on Dean's leg in a sympathetic way.

"So.. It's my turn, is it?" asked Harry in a sing-song voice. "I wonder who I should pick?" Ron looked uneasily at Harry as the shorter boy paced around the room lost in thought. Ron audibly gulped when Harry suddenly turned towards him. "I've decided," said Harry firmly. "Truth or Dare…. Seamus!" He spun towards his intended victim.

The sandy-haired boy jumped when he heard his name called. He could tell by the look in Harry's face that he had a good dare in mind, most likely aimed at Ron. For a second, Seamus almost said 'Truth,' but he resisted the urge. Despite what he might be forced to do, it would probably be worth it to see the look on Ron's face. And besides, it was for _Harry_.

"Dare," replied Seamus, nodding towards Harry. "Do your worst."

"Oh, I intend to, Irishman," said Harry, grinning. The fact that Seamus was doing this solely for his benefit wasn't lost on Harry. "For _twenty_ seconds… you must… make out with Ron."

Seamus had been right; the look on Ron's face was priceless. As were the looks on the faces of all the others. Ignoring the fact that he was clad only in a plastic cup, Seamus stood up and faced Ron. "Ravish me, you red-headed god," said Seamus in a dramatic voice.

Ron looked at a practically naked Seamus in horror. His pale face turned a nice shade of red. 'Payback's a bitch,' thought Ron numbly. And if he wimped out now, he'd never hear the end of it. Especially not from Fred or George. He was _not _going to be the one that ducked out in this game. Ron briefly considered drinking some firewhisky to help him through it, but just thinking about another shot of that awful drink made him shiver. "No tongues, Seamus," threatened Ron. "Or I'm kneeing you in your cup." The others burst out laughing at his threat, but Seamus could tell he was serious.

"Ready, Ginny?" asked Ron. His sister nodded, still shocked at what was about to happen. Fred and George would never believe her. Ron bent down slightly, and touched his lips to Seamus's.

"Hey, that's not making out, Ron," said Dean, angrily. But before they could do anything about it, Seamus grabbed Ron's head with one hand (the other holding his cup), and kissed him fully on the lips.

It was only twenty seconds, but felt like a millennium for Ron. 'If I never kiss a guy again in my life,' thought Ron, 'it'll be too soon.' Unlike some guys who, at one point or another, questioned their sexuality, for Ron Weasley it had never been an issue. He liked girls, simple as that. He had never had so much as a desire to kiss any boy, let alone his Irish dorm mate who Ron had noticed was showing interest in his _obviously_ straight best mate. And so when Ginny called time, Ron immediately pulled his head back from Seamus so fast that he almost got whiplash. Grabbing the nearest open bottle of butterbeer, he gulped it down while ignoring Neville's protests that he had stolen the other boy's drink.

"He's a terrible kisser," murmured Seamus to Harry in a stage whisper. Harry snickered, as did Dean and Neville. Ron merely scowled.

"You can put your clothes on now, Seamus," said Hermione, smiling. "Your dare's over."

Seamus grinned, and quickly pulled his boxers and trousers on. He began to pick up his shirt to put that back on as well, until he caught a slight look of disappointment from Harry. Seamus put his shirt back down instead, grinning inwardly. He gave Harry a short, considering look, and thought up a possible question for the dark-haired boy. He had been planning on asking Hermione Truth or Dare, but Harry made a much better target. It went against his own rules about not picking the one who had selected you, but Seamus didn't care. Besides, the game looked to be wrapping up, and Seamus didn't want to lose his possibly only chance of asking Harry a personal question like this. "Harry, Truth or Dare."

"My turn already?" asked Harry, not bothering to hide his confusion. "Fine, Truth."

'Yes,' thought Seamus jubilantly. After all the wild outlandish dares, he knew Harry wouldn't pick Dare. "Who gave you your first kiss?"

Ron and Hermione groaned in disappointment, and Ginny shook her head. "Why couldn't you pick a better question, Seamus?" Hermione asked. "Most of us know that already. It was Cho Chang." She turned to Harry for confirmation, and was shocked to see Harry's expression.

Seamus was shocked as well. Instead of seeing Harry look all embarrassed as he always did when discussing his disastrous yet short fling with the Ravenclaw Seeker, Harry's face was a wall of unreadable emotion. Well, almost unreadable. Pain and loss were clearly etched in Harry's features.

"Harry?" asked Ron. "Are you alright?"

"Does he look all right to you, Ron?" asked Hermione. "So, it wasn't Cho Chang?" she asked in a quiet voice. Harry didn't say anything, but nodded his head.

"I'm so sorry, Harry," said Seamus, feeling tremendously guilty for asking. "You don't have to answer that. Bloody hell, I promised that I wouldn't let the others ask you questions that would hurt you, and I'm the one who does it." Seamus hung his head in shame. Only Harry saw the single tear that ran down Seamus's face.

"It's ok, Seamus, you didn't know," Harry managed to croak out. "After all, my life's so complicated, it's impossible to tell exactly how it all intersects." Harry shook his head. "But, honestly, I don't want to tell you."

"Then don't worry about it," said Hermione, calmly. "Let's just leave it at that, and call it a night."

"Hermione," said Harry, his voice still betraying his pain, "I said I didn't want to tell you... But I'm going to, just the same. It's something I've needed to tell you for a while now. I simply ask all of you not to judge me; I don't think I can take that right now."

"Never, Harry," said Seamus, firmly. "I'm behind you one hundred precent." Hermione and Ron echoed his statement.

"The first person who gave me my first kiss… was Cedric Diggory."

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A/N: Whew!! That took a while to write! Don't expect chapters this long all the time, though. One note: please don't carp about any out of character issues; this is the one time they can let it all hang loose. That, and they're all repressed teenagers who aren't getting any.. haha..

Please read and review!!


	5. When You Gotta Let it Out

A/N: Well, here you are! I do want to say that I won't be able to keep up the pace once i start my new job on Wed, but I'll still update as often as I can. I ended the chapter later than originally intended, so that I could speed this up!! I mean, five chapters and term hasn't started yet? Also, I ask for a little patience; Draco will be coming! It's just that Harry generally only sees him in class, which will be starting next chapter!

Thanx to Eadon, grr, Robin the bird, SpazMcG7, iced-forest, EltonJohn143jd, The Kid in the Corner, tsubasagahoushi, and oOkimOo!!! I loved all the reviews from last chapter!! Please tell me how you liked this chapter!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything connected to it; that would be JK Rowling and Scholastic Books. So don't sue; I'm broke.. heh..

Note: The first half of this Chapter was updated on 10/17/07

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Going Through the Motions  
by Squall Thrawn

Chapter 5 - When You Gotta Let It Out

The sudden silence was deafening. With sad eyes, his heart in his throat, Harry looked around at the people who, not ten minutes ago, had been laughing and joking with him. Neville, Dean, and Ron were all staring at him as if he'd grown another eye in his forehead, while Ginny merely looked shocked. The expression on Hermione's face was unreadable, and Seamus' jaw was hanging wide open.

"Umm… Cedric?" asked Ron, finally. He couldn't quite meet Harry's eyes as he said that.

"Yeah, Cedric," said Harry in a resigned voice. Maybe he could keep this conversation brief, and then leave before things got too messy. "First I thought I fancied Cho, then Cedric and Cho got together… and then, there was Cedric and me. I'm honestly not sure how or why it happened. But it did," Harry added almost defiantly, as if challenging the others to judge him.

"How... how did you feel about him?" asked Hermione in a quiet voice. Harry noticed that she didn't sound nearly as surprised as Ron.

"I didn't love him," said Harry, firmly. Then he looked down at the floor. "But I did care for him. And I liked him. A lot. And then I got him killed." Harry's worn face looked back up at Hermione, and everybody looking at his eyes could see all the pain and loss he had been bottling up. He wanted to sit down, but he was afraid of their possible reactions if he sat next to them. So instead he stood there, facing them.

"You didn't kill him, Harry," said Ron, his voice strong, though he still couldn't quite meet Harry's gaze. "You-Know-Who did. It was his fault. Him and Barty Crouch Jr. You couldn't have known what was going to happen."

"What I still can't get over is Harry and Cedric," said Neville hesitantly, speaking for the first time since Harry's announcement. "I mean, I never had the slightest clue that you, um…"

"Fancied men?" Harry helped him out. "I guess I should receive an award for my acting abilities, then. I figured that if I came out to too many people, Malfoy and his cronies would find out and make my life a living hell. So I haven't told anybody; until now, that is." Harry sighed, as if he regretted ever saying anything.

"I already knew," said Hermione quietly. "I've known for a while that you preferred boys, but I didn't know that you had been in any relationships before Cho. I guess I just assumed I would have known if there had been anybody else."

"I figured you out too, Harry," said Ginny, smiling. "If nothing else, that helped me get over my crush on you." Harry managed to send a slight smile back her way.

"You've been awfully quiet, Seamus," said Hermione, suddenly frowning. She turned towards the sandy-haired Irish boy, as did Harry.

Seamus jumped when they called his name. He appeared to have been lost in thought. "Oh, sorry," said Seamus, looking at Harry. "I… I really can't put into words what I'm thinking. All I know is that, no matter what, I'm your friend. I'm behind you, no matter what. Always, Harry." There seemed to be a peculiar emotion in the boy's eyes as he said this, as his voice rang with sincerity.

"I think I need a little more time to process this," said Dean Thomas slowly, frowning slightly. Strangely enough, his frown seemed more directed at his best friend than Harry.

"I think we all do," chimed in Ron, as if grateful that Dean had gotten the ball rolling. He finally, almost reluctantly, looked Harry in the eye. "Harry, you're my best friend, and that will never change. I won't spread any rumors, or tell anybody your secret." Ron looked down again. "But it's just awkward right now; it's like I never truly knew you." A pained expression spread across his face. "Please don't be mad at me, Harry. Do you think you could stay with Neville for just one night or so?"

'Mad at you?' thought Harry sardonically. How could he be mad about his self-proclaimed best friend not wanting to stay in the same room as Harry? He looked at Neville, who looked extremely uncomfortable at the idea of Harry staying with him. Dean's face was mostly unreadable, but Harry detected just the slightest hint of disapproval in his gaze.

Hermione and Ginny looked at Ron with extremely disappointed looks and seemed on the verge of yelling at him, but Seamus got in the first word.

"Ron, you can go ahead and sleep in here, with Dean," said Seamus firmly, standing up and pulling on his shirt. ""I'll stay with Harry." He glared at Ron, Neville, and Dean in turn. "Come on, Harry. Let's leave them to 'process this'." Seamus put his arm firmly around Harry's shoulders, as Harry let the Irish boy lead him out of the room. Hermione smiled as the two of them left; her smile turned into a scowl as soon as the door closed. Ron gulped at her expression. This wasn't going to be pretty.

As soon as Harry got to his room, he trudged over to his bed; where he sat, lost in thought. Instead of sitting on Ron's bed, Seamus came over and sat next to Harry, with his back against the headboard of the bed.

"How are you feeling, Harry?" asked Seamus, quietly. "And please don't give me an automatic answer; answer me honestly."

"Honestly, Seamus? I don't know," said Harry, almost inaudible. "I always wanted to tell them, but at the same time, I never wanted them to find out."

Seamus started gently rubbing Harry's back. "Harry, please tell me what happened with Cedric." Harry's back stiffened. "Not about what happened at the end of the year," amplified Seamus. "What happened between the two of you."

"Why do you want to know?" asked Harry, suspiciously.

"Well, for starters, because I'm your friend," Seamus said, continuing to rub Harry's back. "But also," Seamus faltered, and then started back up, "you need to talk to somebody about him. I can see all that pain and loss in your eyes, Harry, and it's not good to just bottle it all up. Just tell me what you can."

Harry started to shake his head no, but stopped. "Okay, but you cannot tell a living soul," said Harry seriously. "If Hermione or Ginny want to know, and they ask, then I might tell them. But no one else."

Seamus looked shocked. "If you don't mind my saying so, Harry, why me and not Ron? We've only been close these last few days; you and Ron have been mates since first year!"

Harry shrugged. "Maybe because you've showed me that you cared. And the way you've been here for me, when I needed you." Harry shook his head. "Not like Ron ever has. Even after all these years of friendship, Ron doesn't understand why I've been so depressed and apathetic, and hasn't tried to understand. He wants me to just turn my frown upside down, and I bloody well don't want to! It's not as simple as that!"

Harry paused for a second to regain his composure. "You, on the other hand; you want to know what's going on in my life, but you're not pushing me. You're perfectly alright with waiting until I'm ready to tell. And unlike Ron, you haven't judged me because of my past with Cedric. I know that there's something going on here that you haven't told me, but you still accepted me." Harry smiled weakly at Seamus, who grinned back at him. "So I'm entrusting you with a story that, until today, I have never told a living soul."

"It was fourth year, and we were in the midst of the Tri-Wizard tournament. Right around the time of the Yule Ball, Cedric gave me a hint involving that golden egg we received. How to listen to it properly to get the clue necessary for the Second Task."

"Why did he do that?" asked Seamus. "You two were competitors, after all."

Harry briefly smiled; as usual, it looked out of place on his gaunt, worn face. "He said it was because I gave him a heads-up on the First Task. Anyway though, the hint was really out there, so I resisted listening to Cedric's hint; after all, he had already stolen the girl I thought I liked."

Seamus frowned briefly when Harry talked about Cho Chang. "What was the hint, Harry?" he asked.

"He told me to take a bath, and bring the egg with me. He even gave me the password to the prefects' private lavatory."

"Did he come on to you there?" asked Seamus, eager for any salacious details.

"No, he didn't," said Harry firmly. "It was after the Second Task when that happened. He came up to me in the library and asked me why I never used the prefects' lavatory." Harry rolled his eyes. "Needless to say, the conversation went on from there and ended with Cedric telling me that he always noticed how I got hard when I saw him."

"That must have been embarrassing!"

Harry grinned. "You have no idea. Anyway, for a whole week, he kept on this topic. Finally, he bullied me into letting him kiss me. I let him because I was getting tired of the fact that he was carping on about this all the time. Also, I didn't want to accept the fact that I was a bloody poof!" Harry closed his eyes at the memory. "His lips were so soft and silky. I had expected a rough kiss, but Cedric was nothing but gentle. I've never seen anybody going after someone the way he did for me, but somehow it worked." Harry opened his eyes and sighed. "From then on, I couldn't get enough of him. Sometimes we'd meet in an unused classroom, other times it was outside near the Whomping Willow." Harry smiled at a sudden memory. "Once, we both went to the prefects' lavatory… and had a three hour long bath. That was the only time we ever saw each other in the buff; we had decided to take it slow, since we weren't actually dating. Cedric never asked me to be his boyfriend; he said that that was something that had to come from me, when I felt the time was right. And I kept holding off, because I was so new at dating guys, and dating in general."

Harry's smile flattened out. "The last week or so before the Third Task, we barely spoke to each other; like it or not, we were competitors, and we both wanted to win. At the end of the Task, Cedric was standing there with the cup, while I was a ways back, my leg messed up after a tussle with a huge spider. He'd won fair and square." Harry's voice started to break up. "But he wanted me to take it. He said I earned it, that I helped with the tasks. I tried to refuse it… but he was insistent that I take it. So I told him that we would take it together." Harry, by this time, sounded like he was on the verge of tears. "And Cedric knew that I meant more than that when I said together. I wanted to actually date him. Then we grabbed the Tri-Wizard Cup, and…"

Harry's voice died out. Seamus started rubbing Harry's back in a reassuring way, as he had been doing earlier. "It's ok, Harry," said Seamus soothingly. "You told me more than I deserve to know. I know how hard it must be to relive all of this."

"There's more," said Harry, his voice still hoarse. Tears were running down his face in rivulets by this time. "There's more to the story. When… when we were portkeyed to the graveyard, we didn't know what was happening… We got out our wands, a robed man approached us, and then… I heard a high, cold voice say 'kill the spare,' and then Avada Kedavra." Harry slumped down, unconsciously putting his head on Seamus's shoulder.

Seamus knew of no words that could properly comfort Harry; everything would sound trite. So the Irish boy simply put his arm around Harry, and used the corner of his robe to dab away the tears on Harry's face.

"It's all my fault, Seamus," moaned Harry. "He wouldn't have been in that graveyard if I hadn't insisted on him picking up the Cup with me."

"No, it's not," said Seamus firmly. "Ron was right before. It was You-Know-Who's fault, and that imposter Moody guy. You didn't know that the Cup was a Portkey, that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named set a trap for you." Seamus' voice became even sterner when he changed tacks. "And even if a little part of the blame is yours, doesn't that mean that you have a responsibility to doing something about the ones that are chiefly responsible? I'm sure Cedric didn't want you wasting your life mourning his death; you'll honor his memory more by living and making sure that this sort of thing never happens again."

Harry blinked. "I was right, what I said to Ron about you. All these years, I've been underestimating you."

"Well, as long as I get props at one time or another, I'm fine with that," said Seamus, lightening the mood. "Build me a statue, write a song about me, and we'll call it even."

"Thanks for listening, Seamus," said Harry, almost sleepily. "You're a good friend." Harry fell silent.

Seamus sat there leaning against the headboard for a while, Harry still leaning on Seamus's shoulder. Eventually, sounds of regular breathing coming from Harry informed the sandy-haired boy that Harry had finally fallen asleep.

Seamus gently shifted Harry off of his shoulder onto Harry's pillow, and pulled a blanket over him. Seamus stood over Harry for a while, before giving into temptation and lightly kissing Harry on the forehead.

Getting into Ron's bed, Seamus whispered, "Goodnight, Harry," before putting out the light.

"Where's Harry?" Hermione asked Seamus, the next morning in the Great Hall. The two of them had both arrived at breakfast early, for different reasons. There were few people here, this early on a Sunday morning.

"He's having a bit of a lie-in," said Seamus, evasively. In truth, Harry _was_ laying about, though he was actually under the beech tree overlooking the lake instead of his bed. Seamus had had no idea how much sleep the dark-haired boy had actually gotten; all he knew was that Harry had been awake when he himself woke up at the crack of dawn. Seamus had always been an early riser, and even a late night hadn't prevented that. Hermione could make out a few dark circles, but other than that, he looked fine.

"Well, tell Harry when you see him that I had a bit of a talk with those three boys last night," said Hermione, her tone serious. "I'm getting the feeling that it may not be as easy on Harry as we first thought. Ron, in particular, is having a lot of problems. Don't be surprised if he asks you to swap with him again tonight."

"Well, I won't mind," said Seamus, smiling. "Dean's me best mate and all, but Harry matters to me too. And he needs a good friend right now."

"Is that all it is?" asked Hermione, her eyebrows arched. "Don't think I didn't notice who your eyes were on when you were doing that dance of yours. And I definitely noticed the favor you did him when you picked Dare instead of Truth and allowed Harry to humiliate Ron."

"I won't lie to you, Hermione," said Seamus in a low voice. "I like him, a lot. But I'm also his friend, and as his friend, I realize that a relationship could just make things more complicated for him. Plus, there's something going on, that makes me think that he would turn down anybody who asked him." Seamus grimaced.

"You're probably right, but-" Hermione cut herself off as she spotted Ron making his way towards them.

"Morning, Ron," said Seamus, more out of habit than anything.

"For the love of Merlin, Seamus, how can you stand being woken up this early?" said Ron in a grumpy tone

"What do you mean by that?"

"Your crazy roommate was up by the crack of dawn, and off to the races not too long after that," complained Ron. "He woke me up with all his banging around." He scowled. "Dean wasn't like this when we were all in the same dormitory."

"Yeah, I was the one that always woke up at dawn," said Seamus with a smile. "But I tend to be much quieter."

Ron started eating his food, while Hermione started reading from a book she had brought with her; from the looks of it, it looked like _Hogwarts, A History_. Seamus took the opportunity to take a look inside the small cloth bag he had secreted away in his robes. Once again, he was sneaking food off to Harry so that the shorter boy could avoid Ron, Neville, and Dean. Noting that it was filled, Seamus made his excuses and quickly left the Great Hall. He quickly made his way through the Entrance Hall and was heading towards the outside door when he heard the words Harry Potter and gay. Seamus stiffened, and turned towards where he heard that. There were two Slytherins walking past, third or fourth years from the looks of them. Seamus didn't recognize either of them by name.

"Yeah, Pansy told me this morning," said the first girl, a rather large girl with a double chin. "The Boy Who Lived is really The Poofter Who Lived."

"Well, there's a shocker," said the other girl, a small girl with two long brown braids. "I always knew there was something funny about him. How did Draco react?"

"How do think he reacted?" The voices trailed off as the two girls made their way to the Great Hall.

Seamus forgot about dignity and ran. He needed to warn Harry before all hell broke loose.

Harry was sitting under the same tree as he always did; the trunk of the tree was comfortable enough to lean against, and the grass was soft enough so that his bum didn't hurt after hours of sitting here, contemplating everything. Harry scooted over a little. Yeah, there should be enough room for Seamus to sit next to him without appearing obvious. Harry smiled; that was something that had seldom happened over the course of the summer. Harry wasn't sure how he felt about the sandy-haired Irish boy who had single-handedly turned Harry's world on its head. Instead of keeping him at a distance, Harry was telling Seamus things he had never told anyone else before. Harry had never been a tactile person, and beyond allowing a hug or two from Hermione, had never allowed others to have much physical contact with him. And last night in the room they were sharing, Seamus had rubbed Harry's back, had put his arm around him. Come to think of it, he'd fallen asleep with his head on Seamus' shoulder.

Harry turned at the approach of footsteps, and had to bite back a sudden grin as he saw Seamus dashing towards him. Distracted by the Irish boy's entrance, Harry didn't even notice another person walking towards him with an amused smirk on his face.

"Are you that eager to see me?" bantered Harry. Seamus got to Harry and sat down next to him, panting heavily. Harry could feel the heat coming off of him.

"Harry, I just heard some Slytherins talking in the castle about you," Seamus said, panting heavily.

"What are they saying?" asked Harry, feeling a bit of unease, but still not too worried. He figured that he was one of their main topics of conversation.

"They-," Seamus was stopped suddenly when the other person stepped in front of them and they finally noticed him. A certain somebody with blonde hair. "They know about you," he finished in a whisper.

"So, Potter," said Malfoy, his voice at full drawl. "What's this I hear about you?"

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Please read and review!!!


	6. All The Twists and Bends

A/N: Well, please don't hate me too much... this chapter might not be exactly what you expected, but all will be revealed in the future.. I just felt that this was the best way to advance the actual plot.. Also, please give me an idea how you feel about the question at the end of the chapter.. Finally, there will be a lot less angst in the next chapter, as term starts..

Thanx to Ava, tsubasagahoushi, Vasquaz, HarshLight, Apricot-chan, Eadon, and EltonJohn143jd!! I appreciate all of your reviews!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything connected to it; that would be JK Rowling and Scholastic Books. So don't sue; I'm broke.. heh..

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Going Through the Motions  
by Squall Thrawn

Chapter 6 - All the Twists and Bends  
  
Not too far away from the Whomping Willow, an old oak tree stood; a tree some said was planted during the time of the Founders. Few Hogwarts students were familiar with it, and even fewer found themselves under its large branches. Up until two years ago, it had been one of the more popular locations used by Harry Potter when he wanted to think, or just to be alone. Or spend time with Cedric. After Cedric's death, Harry had never again set foot under the tree. Until today. Seamus and he were now sitting under it, almost but not quite touching. After the confrontation with Malfoy, Harry walked right to this tree, lost in thought. Naturally, Seamus had followed.  
  
Eventually, after about fifteen minutes of silence, Harry finally spoke up. "How did they find out?" asked Harry, barely audible. Malfoy had said quite a few things, but Harry's mind wasn't functioning on the higher levels at the moment. There was only one thought that repeatedly coursed through his mind: they know. They know!!  
  
"I don't know, Harry," Seamus replied sadly. "I was heading over to where you were waiting, and heard two Slytherin girls talking. They said that they found out from Pansy this morning that you preferred guys. No mention of Cedric or anything."  
  
"And it's not a coincidence," said Harry. "I told all of you last night, and now it's spreading all over Hogwarts that I fancy boys?"  
  
"This morning, Hermione was telling me that Neville, Ron, and Dean were having problems with this," said Seamus hesitantly. "Especially Ron. I hate to say this, but it looks like Malfoy was right."  
  
Harry did not respond, but let out a small groan. Seamus silently got out his bag of food and opened it up. It was a tad jumbled up, since Seamus had run all the way from the Entrance Hall to Harry, but it was still food. Seamus quietly tugged on Harry's robes and gestured towards the food.  
  
Harry raised his head and sighed. He grabbed a single muffin and slowly ate it. Seamus grimaced as it became apparent that that was all Harry intended to eat.  
  
The two of them spent most of the morning under the tree. Harry kept quiet the whole time, his eyes open but unseeing. Seamus spent most of the time contemplating his feelings for Harry, and worrying about how they could affect their friendship. He tried not to dwell on the Malfoy incident; it still left a bitter taste in his mouth.  
  
Finally, around lunchtime, Seamus got up. "I'm going to grab some more food for us, Harry." Harry looked up at him blankly. "You need to eat more than you did, mate. Also, I'm going to find Hermione. Maybe she knows something more about what's going on."  
  
Harry merely nodded.  
  
Seamus made his way across the lawn, and into the castle. He had just entered the Great Hall when Hermione and Ginny ran up to him.  
  
"Seamus! Do you know where Harry is?" asked Hermione in a loud whisper.  
  
"We already know, Hermione," said Seamus in a resigned tone. "I found out this morning, right after breakfast. I managed to tell Harry just as Malfoy came along."  
  
"Let's find a better place to talk," said Hermione, looking cautiously around. "We don't want to make things any worse." The three of them made their way out of the castle, and sat near the fountain. Hermione explained that the noise of the fountain would prevent anybody from hearing them.  
  
"One of the other boys spilled the secret," said Ginny, picking up the story. "It had to be. Pansy Parkinson is the source of the original rumours, and neither Hermione nor I would tell her. We hate that stupid cow; and we love Harry." Ginny briefly smiled. "And I know you wouldn't do it; you and Harry seem to be attached at the hip. That just leaves Ron, Dean, and Neville."  
  
"Yeah, we sort of figured that too, Ginny," said Seamus glumly. "Harry doesn't want to believe that one of his friends betrayed his trust, though. I think he's dwelling on that just to avoid the fact that soon the whole school will know that he's gay." Seamus made a face. "I know how I'd feel if that happened to me."  
  
Hermione coughed. "Um, Seamus," said Hermione hesitantly. "In a way, it sort of is."  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Seamus, suspiciously.  
  
"There's a second rumour," explained Ginny. "It started spreading later, which explains why you haven't heard it yet, but… according to the rumour, you and Harry are lovers."  
  
"What?!" yelled Seamus. Yeah, a part of him wished it, but this would actually make it even harder for him and Harry.  
  
"Well," said Hermione cautiously. "You have been seen with Harry an awful lot lately, plus you've never dated any girls. You might remember that you went stag to the Yule Ball two years ago."  
  
"Hermione!" exclaimed Seamus. "You know that I'm not Harry's lover!"  
  
"I know you aren't, Seamus," said Hermione in an odd tone. "Not yet, at least." Seamus started to protest, but Hermione shushed him. "I'm just saying that although we all know why you never dated girls, it looks bad when coupled with these rumours about you and Harry."  
  
"Ron and Dean made it worse," said Ginny, in a disgusted voice. "Somebody asked Ron how he felt sleeping in the same room with Harry, and he slipped and told them that you slept in Harry's room last night. And someone managed to finagle those stories of you being dateless from Dean. He even told them that you never even talk about girls."  
  
Hermione snorted. "They may not have meant it that way, but now they've managed to convince even the skeptics that you two are together."  
  
Seamus buried his face in his hands. "I'm not hungry anymore. I think I'm going to go hide with Harry for a while." Seamus raised his head up and put his hands in front of him. "I know that's not going to look any better, me in a secluded spot with Harry. But I couldn't stand sitting in the Great Hall with everybody looking at me with curiosity." Seamus sighed and started trudging back to the oak tree, but Hermione stopped him.  
  
"I'll see in the Great Hall in a second, Ginny," said Hermione, waving the redheaded girl off. "Make sure you find seats near Neville; maybe we can at least stop him from making things worse."  
  
Ginny looked from Hermione to Seamus, then shrugged and walked off.  
  
"I hope you know what you're doing about Harry," said Hermione in a low voice. "I know it's going to be very hard on you, when everybody thinks you're boyfriends with the guy you want to be with, but can't." She looked at the Irish boy sympathetically.  
  
Seamus merely gave her an unhappy shrug. "What else can I do? Harry's me mate; I'm not going to abandon him just because my being around him caused me to be outed." Seamus attempted a smile. "Maybe people will be so busy gossiping about Harry, they'll forget about me."  
  
"I doubt that, when most of the gossip is about you and Harry together," said Hermione. "In fact, there are more people around that know you're gay than people who knew you existed beforehand."  
  
Seamus' shoulders slumped. "Oh well," Seamus said ruefully. "It was worth a try. I guess I'll update Harry as to our new situation. We'll be under that oak tree near the Whomping Willow. I'll talk to you later, Hermione?"  
  
"I'll bring some food around in a bit," said Hermione, smiling. "Take care till then, Seamus." With that, she turned back to head into the castle.  
  
Meanwhile, Seamus slowly walked over to the large oak tree. Harry was still there, and in fact didn't appear to have moved since Seamus had left.  
  
"Well, I've got news, Harry," said Seamus, attempting to smile.   
  
Harry raised his head. "Do I even want to hear this?"  
  
"Probably not, but you need to know this," said Seamus, losing his smile. He had briefly toyed with the idea of presenting the news in a humorous way, but his inability to find the subject remotely amusing had killed that idea.  
  
"Alright, then tell me," said Harry, gesturing to Seamus to sit next to him.  
  
Seamus gingerly sat down across from Harry, instead. "In a nutshell, Harry, the whole castle knows you're gay, and now there's a rumour that you have a long-time lover."  
  
Harry groaned. "I hope it's not Ron; he definitely wouldn't be happy if he heard that one."  
  
"You're probably right about that one, Harry," said Seamus, shaking his head. "As it is, Ron's off the hook." Seamus looked down at the ground. Now he had to tell Harry about the rumour that he wanted so desparately to come true. "I'm the one that's named in the rumours. Between those and the answers Ron and Dean have been supplying, everybody now thinks that we're together." Seamus hesitantly looked up at Harry's expression, afraid to see revulsion or digust.  
  
As Seamus looked up, Harry looked searchingly into the boy's eyes and found sorrow and buried pain. "I'm sorry," Harry said with a sad look on his face. He gently squeezed Seamus' shoulder with his hand. "I never meant to get you involved in this." The dark-haired boy retracted his hand and looked down at the ground. "I'll understand if you want to keep your distance from me for a while, until these rumours blow over."  
  
"Bugger that!" yelled Seamus, almost angrily. "Harry, you're me mate. I bloody well don't care what the others are saying about me; our friendship is more important to me." Seamus's voice broke. "I'm not like Ron; I'm not abandoning you, no matter what."  
  
Harry silently put his hand on Seamus' leg. They didn't say a word; somehow, they didn't need to.  
  
=====  
  
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" whined Seamus as he followed Harry through the castle.  
  
"Of course it's not, Seamus," said Harry, calmly. He had his public face on, the one that showed little emotion. "Regardless, we have to do it; or at least, I have to do my part. You can wait up in the common room if you want to; you don't have to go through with this." Harry turned to the Irish boy.  
  
"You know I won't abandon ya, Harry," grumbled Seamus. "You're stuck with me, mate. Besides, can you imagine the rumours people would start then? Hogwarts' most romantic couple on the outs! Details to follow!"  
  
"Oh, are we romantic?" asked Harry, slightly teasing. He was aware that the situation was hurting Seamus somehow, though he still wasn't precisely sure how. But Seamus had still agreed to go through with Harry's idea.  
  
"Oh, definitely romantic," said Seamus playfully. He put his arm around Harry and looked into Harry's face with an expression of vapid adoration. "Oh, Harry, my love. Words cannot describe the perfection of your face, your beautiful green eyes, and your lickable nose."  
  
"Eww!" exclaimed Harry. They turned the corner and almost ran into two Ravenclaw first years. The two Ravenclaws, two young boys, looked from Harry to Seamus, noticing Seamus' arm around Harry's midsection.  
  
"Umm, hi," said one Ravenclaw, looking rather uncomfortable. His friend pulled at his arm, and they ran down the hall, turning down a side corridor.  
  
"Looks like we've just confirmed things a little more," said Seamus, giggling. Earlier, he would have been annoyed, but after hearing Harry's plan, this incident would be nothing compared to what they were about to do.  
  
Finally reaching the Entrance Hall, Harry paused. "Last chance to back out, Irishman. This is it."  
  
"Not a chance, Wonder Boy," said Seamus. He quickly brushed his lips against Harry's cheek. "Just getting into character," he murmured. He then clasped his hand in Harry's.  
  
Holding hands, the two of them made their way through the Entrance Hall and into the Great Hall where most of the students were eating dinner.  
  
Flashback  
  
"It's quite simple, Hermione," said Harry, sitting under the large oak tree. The brown-haired girl had arrived with a delivery of food; Ginny had come along as well. "These two rumours were sprung at separate times. As far as I can tell, there was a different purpose to each. The first one, about me being gay, was clearly designed to alienate me from the populace. It was obvious how much it hurt me last year when most of the school didn't believe me about Voldemort." Naturally, Ginny, Hermione, and Seamus flinched at his name, though Hermione was getting better at controlling her reaction. "They're trying to repeat that. Therefore, whomever we're dealing with isn't that skilled at this sort of thing. Otherwise, they would have kept the rumour to themselves, to use against me more effectively. Also, with only a few days elapsed this year, I've already discovered that we now have an informant among us. Not the brightest of moves."  
  
"So you don't think it's Pansy?" questioned Hermione.  
  
"No. Whoever arranged this is somewhat clumsy, but at the same time skilled, strangely enough. I'd guess it was somebody with some practice at it, probably at the direction of somebody else. But he or she hasn't had any experience running things for themselves." Harry chuckled. "Pansy's just a front for whomever is really in charge."  
  
"I still haven't been able to figure out who the informant is," said Ginny, shaking her head. "But I'll keep trying."  
  
"Thanks, Gin," said Harry. "Alright now, the second rumour, which you said started about midday, was about Seamus being my lover." He nodded towards the Irish boy, who briefly grimaced. "That one was supposed to drive Seamus away from me." 'And if not for the iron will of Seamus, it would have worked,' thought Harry. Soon after Seamus had returned with news of their supposed coupling, Harry had blocked away all of his negative thoughts about who had informed on him, and concentrated on figuring out how to get back at them. Not for his sake, but for Seamus'. The sandy-haired boy had merely offered his hand in friendship and his shoulder for comfort, and had been alienated by people he hadn't even met. That definitely deserved some payback. And thanks to an offhand comment by Malfoy that morning, he had just the idea.  
  
"So I came up with a completely crazy idea that just might work, assuming Seamus here agrees." Harry turned to the Irish boy. "Here's what I propose: let's show them that that second rumour not only didn't hurt Seamus, but drove him closer to me."  
  
"You want me to pretend to be your boyfriend," Seamus stated rather than asked. Harry nodded as he looked at Seamus to see how he reacted. To be honest, Seamus looked less than thrilled. Once again, Harry got the impression there was something Seamus wasn't telling him, but once again, he buried the thought. They could explore it at leisure later; right now, it was getting close to suppertime and also the time to enact their plan, assuming Seamus agreed with it. "One question, Harry," Seamus finally said. Harry nodded. "If I refuse, what would you do?"  
  
"I would go to dinner, hold my head up high, and show them that they didn't affect me at all." Harry said simply. He sighed. "It's not as effective, admittedly, but I'm fully prepared to do it anyway." Harry looked into Seamus' eyes. "Your friendship is so much more important to me than any amount of payback. And I'm not going to jeopardize that just to get one-up on them."  
  
Seamus averted his eyes from Harry's gaze. On one hand, this would hurt more than anything else in the world. Not only would people think he was Harry's boyfriend, he would have to act like it. The sheer mockery pulled rather hard on his heartstrings. On the other hand, this was the best way to get back that the people who had put them in this awkward situation in the first place. Not to mention that once they took care of those people, it might straighten things up between him and Harry and clear the way for a real relationship.  
  
When Seamus spoke, it was so soft that only Harry heard it. "I'll do it."  
  
Harry simply smiled at him. "Thanks, Seamus."  
  
end flashback  
  
Harry and Seamus only managed a couple of steps into the room before a group of Hufflepuffs noticed them. Soon, the word spread and the entire Hall sat there silently looking as the Boy Who Lived stood there holding the hand of Seamus Finnegan.  
  
Harry inwardly smirked. The look of consternation on many of the Slytherins' faces was priceless; he almost thought about borrowing Colin Creevey's camera. Only one Slytherin didn't look disappointed that Harry wasn't affected by their rumours; in fact, he smirked at Harry and almost nodded in approval of his idea, his grey eyes looking amused. However, when Harry briefly turned his head and then looked back, those same grey eyes were now scowling at him, as if he'd never smirked.  
  
On the other side of Harry, Seamus was quietly trying to prevent himself from throwing up all over the Hufflepuffs. While the expression on his face was just as calm as Harry's, Seamus' hand, the one holding Harry's, was very sweaty. He hated being the centre of attention when it was something as serious as this. He just hoped this idea would strike pay dirt.  
  
Hermione waved the pair over. She was saving two seats between herself and Ginny. They made their way over, still holding hands. They briefly uncoupled so that they could sit down on the bench, but once they were sitting, Harry's hand soon found its way to the small of Seamus' back.   
  
Sitting across from the supposed couple, Ron's mouth was wide open. He'd never thought when... Ron banished those thoughts away. Ginny gently, but firmly, reached across the table to close Ron's mouth.  
  
Harry noticed Ron's expression, and almost explained the entire charade to him, but then he remembered that Ron was still under suspicion of being the spy. Harry instead smiled at Ron pleasantly as if nothing was out of the ordinary.  
  
However, sitting next to Harry was one boy who didn't intend to let bygones be bygones. It was time to have fun with Mr. "I need some time to process things". Seamus turned to the redheaded boy. "So, Ron, you planning on moving back into your room tonight?"  
  
Ron immediately tensed up, as Seamus had expected. "Well, Seamus… You… I mean, I was thinking…" Harry watched the exchange with amusement. He had a feeling that Seamus was winding Ron up.  
  
"After all, I wouldn't want to keep you from your own bed," said Seamus, innocently. Ron hurriedly took a swallow of his pumpkin juice. "I mean, it's not as though I'd be sleeping in it anyway." Seamus gave Harry a smouldering look. Ron started hacking and coughing as the pumpkin juice went down the wrong pipe. Colin Creevey, who was sitting next to Ron, pounded on his back to help. Hermione and Ginny were too busy fighting giggles to be of any help. Seamus had known exactly when and where to strike.  
  
The rest of the supper was fairly mundane. Harry could tell that he and Seamus were subject to quite a few not so polite stares from time to time, but if anyone disapproved of their 'relationship', they kept their opinions to themselves, for now, at least.  
  
Throughout the meal, Harry kept fairly quiet, enjoying his food for the first time in a long while. Occasionally, he would break his silence to answer a question asked by Hermione or Ginny. Or to flirt with Seamus, who couldn't seem to keep his hands off Harry. After his initial teasing of Ron, Seamus calmed down a little. Beyond a lewd comment here or there, his remarks were generally mundane and general, as if he and Harry had been together for a while. And Harry could tell that Ron, Neville, and Dean were deeply confused at the sudden turn of events.  
  
Eventually, Harry got up to leave, whispering into Seamus' ear as he did so. Seamus nodded, and got up as well, putting his right arm around Harry and leaning his head into Harry's shoulder. They ignored an "awww" from Ginny and made their way through the castle. Just before they got to the entrance to Gryffindor Tower, Malfoy confronted them for the second time today.  
  
"So, Potter," said Malfoy, smirking. "I thought you said this morning that the Mick wasn't your boytoy."  
  
Seamus merely clung tighter to Harry. Harry laughed. "After coming all this way, that's all you have to say, Malfoy?" Malfoy, instead of responding verbally, nodded his head as if to gesture behind Harry. Harry turned his head to see if anyone was behind him, and saw a few of the younger Gryffindors heading towards them, followed by Ron and Dean. Harry briefly whispered in Seamus' ear. Seamus considered it for a moment, and then nodded. Harry turned back to Malfoy. "You want proof that we're boyfriends, Malfoy?" With that, Harry turned Seamus and kissed him full on the lips. Seamus stiffened for a second, and then allowed himself to be swept up in the kiss. It only lasted a few seconds before Harry broke off the kiss and smiled winningly at Seamus.  
  
Despite figuring out what Harry had been planning to do, watching them actually kiss caused Malfoy to stand there dumbly, giving his best impersonation of a guppy in a fishbowl. "Well, Malfoy," said Harry, a tad louder. "If you're jealous of Seamus here, just say so. I shouldn't wonder… I mean, a guy who picks Pansy Parkinson as a date… if you weren't gay before, being around her is enough to turn any man."  
  
Malfoy's eyes flashed dangerously. "Watch what you're saying, Potter!" He spat out Harry's name angrily. "You'll regret that one." With a dramatic flourish of his robes, Malfoy strode away with his head held high.  
  
Harry turned to the small audience watching with mixed emotions on their faces, and then to the sandy-haired boy he still had in his arms. Seamus looked shocked, and incapable of independent movement. So Harry finally opened the portrait hole with the password ("Liberi Fatali") and led Seamus up to his room- Ron had graciously decided to stay another night in Dean's room.  
  
As soon as Harry and Seamus reached Harry's room, Seamus straight away made a beeline to Ron's usual bed and laid down, curling up in a fetal position. Harry, immediately anxious, sat down on the edge of the bed.  
  
"What's the matter?" asked Harry softly. After receiving no answer, he tried gently rubbing the Irish boy's back, just as Seamus had done for him the night before. As soon as Harry's hand made contact though, Seamus immediately stiffened and flinched away from Harry's touch. Harry started mentally berating himself. "I should never had brought the idea up," moaned Harry. "I don't understand, though. What's going on?"  
  
Seamus finally turned his head to look at Harry, and the green-eyed boy was shocked to see tears rolling down Seamus' face. "It's ok, Harry," said Seamus, though he sounded everything but ok. "Really, I'm fine. I'll be as good as new, and ready to continue pretending to be your boyfriend in the morning."  
  
"Come on," pleaded Harry. "You know that, whatever it is, I'll listen to you and support you."  
  
"Harry," Seamus finally said, "I know that you still have more things eating away at you inside, and I also know that you don't feel like talking about them right now. And I respect that, and I understand that you'll tell me when you're ready. This is one of those times for me. I have a lot going on, and until I figure out what it all means, I don't really feel like talking about it."  
  
"Fair enough," said Harry, smiling briefly. "Just remember that when you feel like talking about it, I'm here."  
  
Seamus nodded his head. He could hear Harry getting ready for bed and realized that he was still fully clothed. At this point, however, he didn't care. All he knew was that Harry had just shattered his heart into pieces. At long last, Seamus had finally received his first kiss from Harry… and Harry hadn't meant it at all. Burying his face in his borrowed pillow, Seamus silently cried himself to sleep.

=====

Well, wasn't all that interesting? Don't you just feel sad for Seamus? Anybody think he deserves to be with Harry? At this point, the plot is flexible enough. And whether or not you think that, you'll still be seeing some Harry/Draco action regardless!! So give me an idea.. send a review, or send me an e-mail... my address is on my profile..

Thanx again!!


	7. You Know They Couldn't Deal

A/N: Sorry it took so long to publish this!! Between my new and tiring job and miscommunications with my editor, it took me quite a while to get this all ready! Once again, my apologies.. the next chapter should be out soon, though not necessarily as quick as I used to.. Gotta earn money to pay the bills, or i won't have a place to keep my computer! heheh.. Finally, I'd like to thank all of you who gave me an indication of what you want to see happen in the future, be it Harry/Seamus or Harry/Draco.. I've made my decision, and you'll find out what I decided in the coming chapters.. And should it turn out that I didn't write the story with the pairing you wanted, please continue to read anyway.. heheh..

Lots of thanks this time around: tsubasagahoushi, HarshLight, grr, Ava, Eadon, Asmodina, Lasher 61, oOkimOo, EltonJohn143jd, Vasquaz, and Lost Flame

BTW, Ava, I agree with you on the possessive of Seamus; my editor was the one who misinformed me..

And Vasquaz, in reference to your comment, I want a Zell pie.. yummy!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything connected to it; that would be JK Rowling and Scholastic Books. So don't sue; I'm broke.. heh..

=====

Going Through The Motions  
by Squall Thrawn

Chapter 7 - You Know They Couldn't Deal  
  
"Everybody settle down and pay attention," Snape's voice said coldly as he strode into the dungeons, his robes billowing behind him. Harry suppressed a groan. Thanks to Hermione's urgings, Harry had reluctantly decided to keep the class. Two seconds into the term, and Harry was already regretting his decision.  
  
"This is a N.E.W.T. Potions class, and thus I expect all of you to show a high level of proficiency in this class." Snape's eyes swept over the students, taking in the disproportionately large amount of Slytherins in his class. His mouth drew up into a sneer as his gaze fell on the three Gryffindors in the class, especially Harry. Besides Harry, only Hermione and Parvati Patil were taking the class. Harry had assumed that Hermione was taking the class simply because it was advanced and she performed well in Potions. Also, Hermione had mentioned only that morning that Parvati was interested in becoming a mediwitch at St. Mungo's.   
  
"When taking the N.E.W.T. examinations," Snape continued, "there will be a section where you will be required to identify various potions by using your powers of observation. In addition, you will be shown incorrect versions of potions and asked to identify where the potion maker went wrong. Needless to say, only those who are intimately familiar with the various properties of different ingredients will have the skill to notice the subtle variations in those potions." Snape briefly nodded towards the Slytherins. He then gestured to a table behind him. "I want you to pair up and take one of the flasks from this table. You will write down your observations of the potion, and then use the methods detailed in your book to find out its ingredients. After you have finished with that, return the flask and take another one. You have an hour and a half; I expect you to have at least… oh, I'll say five done in the time allotted. And your homework, due at the start of the next class, is your written observations, and theories as to what each of the potions are. Start." Snape started heading towards his desk.  
  
The class started to get up, Harry nodding towards Hermione. Then Snape turned. "Oh, I almost forgot," said Snape in a smug voice. "Since we have all four Houses in this class, it seems a waste not to make use of that- school unity and all. Thus, I've decided that you will only be allowed to pair up with a member of a different House; unless, of course, there's none of them left."  
  
Harry inwardly groaned. Malfoy was probably on his way over already; the blonde seldom missed an opportunity to tease Harry about his horrible potion-making skills. Harry was staring daggers at Snape's back when he felt somebody tap him on the shoulder lightly.  
  
"No, I'm not going to be your partner, Mal-." Harry stopped as he turned around and realized that it wasn't Malfoy. It was Justin Finch-Fletchley, the curly-haired Hufflepuff. "Oh, sorry, Justin," smiled Harry, sheepishly. "Thought you were Malfoy."  
  
"That's alright, Harry," said Justin, shyly. "I was just wondering if you wanted to be my partner for this project."  
  
Harry shrugged. "Sure, why not? I'm sure you'll be a better partner than Malfoy any day."  
  
Justin chuckled. "I'll go grab a flask so that we can start." The short boy with curly black hair soon returned with a flask filled with a bubbling orange potion.  
  
Harry sighed. "I get the feeling that this is going to be difficult." He pulled out a piece of scrap parchment and his quill. "I guess the first thing to do is observe it; see if there's any vapour coming off of it." He pulled the stopper off the flask.  
  
So, for the next five minutes, Harry and Justin watched the unknown potion, occasionally jotting down notes.  
  
"That was really brave of you, Harry," said Justin quietly, breaking the silence. Harry jumped slightly; he had been concentrating on the potion. "What you did last night at supper…," Justin elaborated.  
  
"Well, I just saw no point in lying anymore," said Harry, glossing over the fact that it had been a deliberate performance. Harry shrugged. "It seemed as if the rest of the school knew already; so why continue to hide?"  
  
"I just wish I had the guts to do what you did," said Justin, even quieter than before. "I haven't even been able to tell most of my friends, thus far."  
  
"Well, you've now told me," said Harry, mildly shocked at Justin's revelation. There could hardly have been a worse place to discuss this than in the middle of Snape's Potions class. "I think it's time to use those spells in the book," said Harry, trying to get Justin back on the subject of potions.  
  
"Yeah, I've written down everything I've noticed about this potion," said Justin, nodding. He opened his textbook. "So, how long have you and Seamus been together?"  
  
Harry had been expecting this question, and he and Seamus had gotten their stories straight that morning. "We started dating around the middle of our fourth year," said Harry. "We hit a rocky patch last year; that's why he didn't show up to our D.A. meetings. But we've mended things, and now we're stronger than ever." Harry was quite proud of his explanation.  
  
Justin smiled. "Congratulations to the both of you; I'm really happy for you." Then, a sudden thought occurred to him as Justin lost his smile and looked around, nervously. "Um, Harry, I don't mind if you tell Seamus, but could you not tell any one else about me? I know you don't spread rumours, but I really don't want to be outed like you two did."  
  
"I understand perfectly," said Harry, nodding. Getting back to the lesson at hand, he briefly consulted his textbook, and then looked at the unknown potion with determination. Pointing his wand, Harry used the first spell provided. "Ostendo sum nobis veneficius calx!" Immediately, a purple haze appeared around the potion, before dissipating.  
  
"Looks like there's some sort of crushed magic stone in there," said Justin.  
  
"Yeah, according to this spell," said Harry. "Let's just jot down the purple haze, and move on to the next one."  
  
Justin pointed his wand at the potion. "Ostendo sum nobis bestia corpus sectum!" There was no haze, this time.  
  
"No reaction," noted Harry. The two continued their spells, taking turns until they had exhausted the spell list provided. There were a few reactions, and many non-reactions. Hopefully this would narrow down the possible potions when it came time to figure that part out.   
  
The rest of the lesson passed by fairly quickly. Once Harry and Justin finished with their first flask, they got another and repeated the process. Harry had just finished testing their fifth unknown potion when Snape finally spoke again. "Class dismissed, return your flask to the table. I expect your reports next time we meet."  
  
Harry quickly put the stopper back on the flask and returned it to the table. Heading back to the table, he started gathering his things together and put them in his book bag.   
  
"Do you want to meet sometime today or tomorrow to figure out these potions?" asked Justin shyly.  
  
"Well, I'm pretty sure I have some things to do tonight, but tomorrow's free," said Harry, trying to remember his schedule. "Why don't we meet in the library after classes?"  
  
"Sounds great, Harry," said Justin, smiling. "I'll see you later; I have to get something from my dorm before I head down to Defense Against the Dark Arts." Justin ran off as Hermione came up to Harry.  
  
"That wasn't as bad as you thought, was it Harry?" asked Hermione, smiling. The two of them slowly walked through the corridors towards their next class.  
  
"Well, for a first lesson, I guess not," conceded Harry. "I'll bet this won't last long, though; soon enough, Snape will be back to breathing down my neck trying to find the slightest problem with my potions."  
  
"Hey, Harry!" shouted a voice from behind. Harry turned to see Seamus running towards him. "How was class?" asked Seamus as he gave Harry a quick peck on the cheek.  
  
"It was much better than I thought it was going to be," said Harry, smiling at the Irish boy, but still internally confused. Seamus had refused to tell him the problem in the morning, though Harry could tell that Seamus had gotten little sleep. Having been sleep deprived for most of the summer, Harry could definitely recognize the symptoms in others. However, once they'd gotten down to the common room, Seamus had been back to his cheerful, clingy self.  
  
"That's great!" said Seamus, managing to slip his arm around Harry's midsection despite the heavy book bag Harry was carrying. Seamus grimaced. "N.E.W.T. Divination was completely barmy. Since Firenze and Trelawney are both teaching, we meet with each one of them one day a week. And this morning was Trelawney."  
  
"Did that old bat have anything interesting to say?" asked Harry, though he would be very surprised if she actually had. Despite the fact that Trelawney had made two real prophecies thus far, most of her work was guesswork and a spooky ethereal voice.  
  
"Of course not," said Seamus. "I still don't know why I'm taking that class; I must have been barking mad." He shook his head.  
  
"I wonder how this new professor is going to work out in Defence Against the Dark Arts," wondered Hermione. "We haven't had too much luck with our teachers so far."  
  
"Well, here's hoping that we don't keep the streak alive, and that we actually manage to keep a D.A.D.A. teacher more than a year," said Harry, smiling. The three of them reached the class. When they entered it, they noticed one major difference from the previous years. In the previous years the tables had been in nice, neat lines; they were now grouped in sets of three, strewn about in various parts of the room.  
  
"Interesting," said Hermione thoughtfully, looking at the new arrangement. She followed Harry and Seamus as they chose a set of tables fairly close to the front. Neville Longbottom, who still looked somewhat apprehensive around Harry and Seamus, soon took the empty seat next to Hermione.  
  
About five minutes before class was to start, Ron and Dean finally sauntered in. Harry saw them and waved them over. To his utter amazement, the two briefly looked at each other, and walked over to another group of tables, where a few Hufflepuffs were already sitting.  
  
"Seamus, Hermione, did you see that?" asked Harry in disbelief. "Ron and Dean just refused to sit over here."  
  
When Seamus heard what Harry had said, a very hurt look came across his face. Hermione merely sighed. "I told you that Ron was having major problems just with you being gay. Now that he knows that the two of you are together," said Hermione pointedly, "it's even worse now. I told Seamus yesterday morning to expect another night or two in your room while Ron got used to the idea. As this point, I don't think I would be too far off in telling you to expect Ron to request a permanent trade with Seamus." Hermione shook her head sadly.  
  
Harry was floored. How could it happen that over the course of only two days, Ron had gone from being a concerned best friend to someone that could hardly stand to be around him? Seamus was hurt just as much as Harry was; Dean had been his best mate. However, at the same time that gloomy thoughts about his former friend were racing across Seamus's mind, he was also absentmindedly rubbing Harry's back in a comforting way. Even though they had both lost their closest friends, at least they still had each other.  
  
Just before class begun, Hufflepuffs Justin Finch-Fletchley and Susan Bones finally filled the last table in their group. Justin nodded to Harry shyly. Seamus looked at Harry questioningly, who smiled back at the Irish boy and quickly whispered to him that he would explain later.  
  
"Greetings, class." Professor Parthagonian walked into the class from his office with a stiff, precise gait. He was a tall, middle-aged man with neatly clipped black hair, which had been immaculately combed and gelled; Harry couldn't see so much as one hair out of place. "As you know, I am Professor Parthagonian, and this is my N.E.W.T. Defence Against the Dark Arts class. I'm well aware that my name and title is quite a mouthful, which is why you may refer to me as sir, Professor, or Professor Parth." His eyes scanned the classroom. "I'm going to give all of you fair warning. I am a stern man, and I run my classes the same way. There will be a lot of homework, a fair amount of projects, and plenty of extra-curricular reading. I talk fast, lecture often, and expect all of you to keep up. I have no doubt that throughout the two years you will be in my class; you will come to hate me." Neville gulped silently. "However, when it comes time to take your N.E.W.T.s, you will be completely ready. You will know the theory backwards and forwards and you will be able to do the various hexes and curses in your sleep. And afterwards, you'll thank me for pushing you as hard as I did."  
  
Professor Parthagonian paced from one end of the room to the other, while still talking. "You'll notice that I've grouped the tables in sets of three. Each group of six people will be a separate study group, and when we do group projects, these will be your groups. We'll only change these groups at the end of term, so you'd better like whom you're sitting with; you'll be around them a great deal."  
  
"Ok, now, it's time to find out what all of you know," said Parthagonian. "Could somebody please tell me exactly what you learned last year in this class?" Nobody raised his or her hands. "Hmm… Are you trying to tell me that you learned nothing last year?" Hermione finally raised her hand, reluctantly. "Yes, Ms. Granger, isn't it?" Hermione nodded. "Do tell us what you learned."  
  
"We learned a lot of theory on defensive magic," said Hermione. "Mainly on how to avoid situations where actual magical defence is necessary."  
  
The Professor turned his attention to all of the students. "Can anyone tell me if they found any of this useful? Anyone?" Parthagonian grimly smiled. "I thought not. The Umbridge woman was so ignorant she was dangerous. I shudder to think how many children left this school unprotected because of her misguided politics." He cleared his throat. "Everybody should be jotting this down." There was a rustle as a few students that hadn't grabbed their parchment and quill yet did so. "The defensive magic and theory that Umbridge taught is almost completely useless because it's predicated on the notion that one can always avoid situations where actual protection is necessary. And should it happen that you find yourself fighting for your very life or health, you'll prove to be an easy target. We call this class Defence Against the Dark Arts, and rightly so. However, all of you need to learn that sometimes the best defence is a good offence." Parthagonian was walking through the room as he lectured, scanning the faces of his students. "So this year, we will be covering some of the more advanced hexes and jinxes, as well as some of the more potent charms that protect you from danger. And yes, we will be having plenty of practical lessons in addition to the theory. You need to be practiced at using them." A large portion of the class had sighed in relief; Umbridge hadn't allowed any practical lessons the previous year and had made their O.W.L.s that much harder.  
  
"But enough on that." Parthagonian changed the subject. "Today we're going to review some of what should have been covered last year. Now, I've been informed that last year, many of you met in secret to cover many of these same spells." Parthagonian smiled slightly at Harry. "While it was technically illegal at the time, I'm still rather proud of those of you who participated in it, regardless. I've spoken to Professor Dumbledore, and he has allowed these meetings to continue this year, under my supervision. If you are interested in these meetings, sign your name to the parchment in the back of class. And now, on to review…"  
  
Class continued on at a brisk pace. There were frequent demonstrations of the various hexes and jinxes, and frequent lectures as well. Despite Harry's intense study of the subject over the last year or two, he was still amazed at the professor's vast knowledge. For only the second time in six years, Harry felt confident in his Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor's expertise.  
  
"It's time to pack up for the day," said Parthagonian, eventually. "And it's time to hear those words from me that you'll rarely hear: There's no homework for the day. Oh, and Mr. Potter, if you could stick around a moment, I'd like to have a word with you."  
  
"I'll wait for you outside the door," promised Seamus. Harry smiled at the Irish boy briefly, before heading to the front of the class. Finally, everybody had piled out of class except for Harry.  
  
"Mr. Potter," said Professor Parthagonian. "I expect that Professor Dumbledore has informed you that I shall be teaching you Occlumency this year?"  
  
"Yes, Professor," said Harry, trying to sound confident. "I've been emptying my thoughts just before I go to sleep practically every night, and I think I'm getting better at it."  
  
"Good to hear, good to hear," said Professor Parthagonian, nodding. "It is a bit different, however, actually practicing against another human being. Are Wednesday evenings good for you? I know that you have Quidditch practice coming up, but we'll work around that." He nodded firmly. "It's very important that you learn to block out every thought that Voldemort has, every dream he tries to send you."  
  
Harry looked mildly impressed. There were few teachers in Hogwarts bold enough to use Voldemort's actual name. "Yes, sir," Harry responded. "I'll work the schedule out with the team captain." Harry briefly grimaced as he thought of this year's captain: Ron Weasley.  
  
Parthagonian frowned thoughtfully at Harry. "Very well. Off you go; I'm sure your boyfriend is waiting for you." While Harry stood there looking briefly stunned, Professor Parthagonian strode off into his office. Shaking his head ruefully, Harry left the classroom as well, to find Seamus and Hermione waiting for him.  
  
"Did you get it all worked out?" asked Seamus, looking at Harry. "You have an odd expression on your face."  
  
"Yeah, I think we've got it all worked out," said Harry, smiling back at Seamus. "I was just a little shocked; the professor mentioned at the end that my boyfriend was waiting for me." Harry shrugged. "I guess I was just surprised that he'd heard about us."  
  
Hermione sighed. "He didn't have to hear about it; you forget that he was walking around the classroom the whole time. Mr. Finnigan here couldn't keep his hands to himself, even when he was taking notes. Why do you think even Ron and Dean believe that you're a couple?"  
  
Seamus didn't even look remotely abashed. "What can I say? I'm an affectionate bloke." He grinned widely. "Dean knows that too, so I reckoned I should do it even more around you, to convince him that we are together. I guess it worked too bloody well," added Seamus sadly.  
  
Harry didn't say anything; all he had were shallow platitudes that wouldn't help. Instead, he clasped Seamus's hand in his own. Despite the fact that they weren't actually dating, it was still a reassuring gesture; Seamus smiled at the genuine emotion behind Harry's action.  
  
"Let's get something to eat," said Seamus, smiling at Harry. "You need to gain some weight there, Harry, or you'll get blown right off your broom."  
  
The two supposed boyfriends walked through the corridors, swinging their enjoined hands back and forth, and chatting about nonsensical things. Hermione followed them, a worried expression on her face. She was sure that this situation could only end badly.  
  
When the three of them entered the Great Hall, they noticed Ron and Dean sitting at the far end of the Gryffindor table, talking in low voices. As they approached the two, Ron noticed their arrival and clammed up. Harry briefly considered asking Ron about his problem, but decided not to. It would most likely just make things worse.   
  
Harry was so busy considering it; he didn't notice Seamus's conversation with Colin Creevey. As soon as Harry turned around though, Seamus put his arm around Harry's waist and planted a wet kiss on his cheek.  
  
Flash  
  
"Bloody hell, Colin, why did you do that?" asked Harry as he blinked to get the bright spots out of his eyes.  
  
Colin grinned, holding his camera in front of him. "Seamus asked me if I could take a picture of the two of you. Don't worry; you'll get the only copy."  
  
"Colin said he'd take a few more candid photos of us around the school, too," said Seamus, excitedly.  
  
Harry groaned. "After four years, I finally managed to convince Colin not to take any more pictures of me, and now you're encouraging him." Harry mock scowled at Seamus, who merely smiled unrepentantly.  
  
"What can I say, Harry?" asked Seamus, still grinning. "We're the most photogenic couple in the castle, makes sense that Colin here would want to get photos of that."  
  
With that, Ron got up from his place at the table and strode out of the hall, with a look of disgust on his face. Dean's expression was unreadable, as he remained seated. Harry and Seamus chose not to bother him either, but instead sat down next to Ginny and Hermione.  
  
"So, Harry, what do you think of Professor Parth?" asked Hermione, between taking bites of a croissant.  
  
"Well, I'm just glad we finally have a suitable replacement for Lupin," started Harry, smiling. "It sounds like he knows his job…"  
  
=====  
  
"Class dismissed!" said Professor McGonagall as the students put their books away. Harry suppressed a groan. And he had thought Transfiguration had been hard before…   
  
Hermione quickly ducked out as soon as she could; she mentioned to Harry just before she left that she was meeting with Ginny about discovering the identity of the Gryffindor informant. And as usual, Seamus was waiting for Harry outside the classroom. They slowly made their way towards Gryffindor Tower, when a short mousy kid ran up to him.  
  
"Harry! Seamus! You've gotta hurry to the tower," said Dennis Creevey, Colin's younger brother. "Ron's gone batty! He's chucking all of Seamus's stuff out of his room and moving in himself; he says he won't room with a ponce anymore."  
  
"Oh, bollocks," said Harry, grimacing. "Lead the way, Dennis." The three Gryffindors rushed to the portrait, quickly saying "Liberi Fatali" and going through the opening hole. Neville was standing in the common room, a distant look on his face. He quickly pulled on Harry and Seamus's robes to stop them from rushing up the stairs.  
  
"It's all over now, Seamus," said Neville, a little sadly. "Ron tossed all your stuff into the hallway, and moved in with Dean. And I'm pretty sure he's not planning on coming back out tonight; I think he's afraid of Harry's reaction."  
  
"What happened to my stuff?" asked Seamus, worried.  
  
"Well, Colin helped me place your belongings in Harry's room." Neville grinned nervously. "We figured you two wouldn't mind."  
  
"I guess this cinches it, Seamus," said Harry, sadly. "It looks like Ron officially doesn't approve of me. Or you, for that matter," Harry quickly added, to keep up the charade. "Come on, let's go up. We'll get your stuff situated, and then," said Harry, darkly, "we'll figure out what needs to be done with Ron."

=====

Note: Don't get whiny about the lack of Snape's antagonizing, I just wanted to write the first class a bit differently.

Please read and review!!


	8. Why is the Path Unclear?

A/N: Welcome back to our continuing saga! Not much to say this time, just that I appreciate all your comments. Oh, and one note: several people seem to think that the way the last chapter went seems to indicate which choice I made. Which is not true. You'll find out my decision when we get to that point, which is some chapters in the future. Everything that's happening at the moment has been planned for some time, and would still happen regardless of which person I picked, Seamus or Draco. Oh, and yes, all of my chapter titles are taken from the songs of the Buffy musical... I thought that would be sorta neat...

Additional Note: This is the re-uploaded version of the chapter.. with a single sentence added for clarity.. I realized I'd forgotten it.. apologies to any who read the first version..  
  
I want to thank the following people for reviewing: Robin the Bird, Eadon, tsubasagahoushi, bastian blair, Saxifrace v.2, sennia35, nestea2525, Raven's Light, Harshlight, Shelly Webster  
  
Vasquaz: Thanks for the Zell pie! you'd better believe I enjoyed it!  
  
swtdreams07: You're meant to wonder what exactly happened between Harry and Draco there; this chapter will clear a few things up.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything connected to it; that would be JK Rowling and Scholastic Books. So don't sue; I'm broke.. heh..  
  
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Going Through the Motions  
  
by Squall Thrawn  
  
Chapter 8 - Why is the Path Unclear?  
  
"Morning, Harry," said Seamus, as he got out of bed and stretched to get out the kinks. "Did you manage any sleep last night?"  
  
Seamus had been awoken the previous night by loud moaning and groaning. He had looked over at Harry's bed to see him thrashing about, obviously in the throes of a horrible nightmare. However, when he shook Harry awake, the Irish boy had been greeted with a look of utter despair and sadness. After refusing to tell Seamus what his dream had been about, Harry had turned over and faced the wall. Seamus had given up and gone back to bed, though he hadn't gotten too much sleep because of his worry for Harry.  
  
"Some," grunted Harry. He looked over at Seamus, and the Irish boy once more noted the haunted look in his eyes. The past few days, Seamus had noticed a slight change in Harry's demeanour: a little more bounce in his step, not as much sadness. Now, it seemed Harry was even worse than on the day he arrived on the Hogwarts Express.  
  
Seamus's worry intensified at breakfast as he watched Harry pick at his food disinterestedly. He also noticed that Harry wasn't as eager to play at being boyfriends. And Seamus was both happy and sad about that particular fact. It really hurt whenever Harry treated him like a boyfriend, when he knew that Harry didn't really mean it. Seamus had managed to block his hurt feelings during the day when they were around other people by allowing himself to be swept up in it and pretending it was all real. Granted, the painful feelings would come back tenfold in the privacy of their room. Therefore, any lessening of the pain was a good thing. Granted, a part of Seamus still missed the constant closeness; regardless of the sentiments behind the actions, it still felt good whenever Harry held him or vice versa.  
  
"Hey, Seamus," said Dean Thomas, as the tall black boy sat down next to him. Seamus inwardly grinned. At least some things were looking up.  
  
Two days after Ron had unilaterally decided to swap rooms with Seamus, Dean had confronted Harry and Seamus after Defence Against the Dark Arts class.  
  
Flashback  
  
"Hey, Seamus, can we talk?" asked Dean, stepping in front of the supposed couple. Harry noted that Ron was nowhere to be seen. "The three of us, I mean. Since you seem to be dating Harry here, I figured this concerns him too."  
  
"I guess so," said Seamus, looking sceptical. Dean led them to an unused classroom not too far away. Once they got there, they sat in awkward silence for a while, as Dean seemed ill at ease.  
  
"What did you want to talk about?" asked Harry, finally.  
  
"I... wanted to apologize for letting Ron kick Seamus out of our room," said Dean, hanging his head. "I had no part in it; it was entirely Ron's idea."  
  
"Even if it was his idea," said Harry, "you still went along with it." Harry was still fuming mad about Ron's sudden reversal.  
  
"I didn't really have a choice," disagreed Dean. "I got back from class, and found him piling the last of his things in our room. I was going to argue with him, but I realized that there really wasn't a point." Dean sighed. "Either way, Harry, Ron wasn't going to room with you anymore. He made that plain to me over the last few days. I guess I figured it wasn't worth the hassle; and besides, I figured that since the two of you were together, you might enjoy the shared room." He made a face. "I just hate the way it actually happened."  
  
Seamus was shocked at Dean's unexpected admission. "You mean... you don't hate me or anything?" asked Seamus, finally speaking.  
  
"Seam," said Dean, "you're my best friend; that's not going to change just because of something like this. It took me a little while to adjust to all of these sudden revelations. I mean, one night, I'm finding out that Harry fancies guys, the next day I'm hearing about how the two of you have been a couple a year and a half." Dean gave them a piercing look. "That, I don't believe, but I sort of gather that you actually are together now; a blind man could see that." Dean shook his head ruefully. "The last couple of days, I've just been following Ron, listening to him. And when he did the swap, I realized just how far I'd allowed him to take me. And I realized something: we've been friends now since we entered Hogwarts, and I don't want something like this to end our friendship.  
  
"Dean," said Harry, hesitantly, "do you know why Ron did what he did? I mean, moving out of our room is a far cry from just taking a few days to process things."  
  
Dean shrugged. "I guess he just doesn't like gays. I do know that he was revolted by the fact that he shared a kiss with Seamus here. And that was before he found out that Seamus bats for your side." Dean made a face. "Now I have to listen to daily rants about the newest perverted thing you two are doing."  
  
"In that case, Harry, let's see if we can come up with something new to get Ron," said Seamus, smiling. "I say we rub his nose in all this." He turned to Dean. "Thanks a lot, mate. I know I won't be able to spend as much time hanging out with you as before, but I still want to spend time with ya." The two of them exchanged one-armed hugs.  
  
End Flashback  
  
"Harry, why aren't you eating more?" asked Ginny, frowning. She had finally noticed Harry's lack of food consumption; she and Hermione had been whispering back and forth.  
  
Harry shrugged. "Not hungry, Ginny." Hermione frowned, but didn't say anything. She instead gave Seamus a look that spoke louder than words that she wanted to speak to him afterwards.  
  
"Ron doesn't look too happy," volunteered Neville, who was sitting on the other side of Hermione. He had been fairly shy the last couple of days, not offering his opinions on Harry and Seamus, but he had started sitting and talking with them last night. Hermione privately considered that a good sign.  
  
Seamus looked down the Gryffindor table. Ron was sitting at the end by himself, eating his food quickly. "Ha, he's all alone down there," laughed Seamus. "Serves him right, the bloody homophobe."  
  
Harry stood up. "I'm leaving right now; I forgot something in our room. I'll see you in Charms." He briefly, almost perfunctorily, gave Seamus a peck on the forehead before leaving the Great Hall.  
  
Hermione gave Seamus another meaningful look. He cleared his throat. "I'm heading for class too, guys. I'll see you all later." He got up and left as well, followed by Hermione.  
  
"Ok, Seamus, what's wrong with him?" asked Hermione. "The past few days, it seemed like Harry was getting better. He didn't seem depressed as much; he was opening up to me and Ginny. And you, especially. Now he seems worse than he was at the Leaky Cauldron this summer."  
  
"He had a bad nightmare," said Seamus, grimly. "When I managed to wake him up, he gave me one of the saddest, most hopeless looks I've ever seen. He wouldn't tell me what the nightmare was about, either. Then, this morning, he was already up when I awoke. He's barely talked to me, and the closeness we had is all but gone. If not for that quick peck on the forehead, I'm sure everybody would be talking about how we broke up or something."  
  
"Well," said Hermione, considering. "He had Occlumency practice last night. It may have lowered his mental defences or something like that. You-Know-Who could have sent him a bad dream, or he could have created one from his own sub-conscious. Merlin knows he's got an awful lot going on," said Hermione, sighing  
  
"What do you suggest, Hermione?" asked Seamus in a despairing tone. "I need to find some way to help Harry out."  
  
"I'll have a talk with him tonight," promised Hermione. "I've been meaning to have a chat with him for a while, now."  
  
=====  
  
Harry hurried down the halls of Hogwarts towards N.E.W.T. Charms class. He had purposely waited until the last minute to arrive; Hermione and Seamus were both in his class, and he didn't much feel like being interrogated about his mood.  
  
"Where's your other half, Potter?" a familiar drawling voice called from behind him. Harry kept walking to class as if he hadn't heard anything. "Forget the Mick in your precious tower?" Malfoy's voice sounded rather amused.  
  
"Bugger off, Malfoy," replied Harry, in a monotone voice.  
  
Malfoy hurried up and got in front of Harry, blocking his path. "Don't you dare ignore me, Potter," said Malfoy, annoyed.  
  
"Fine, what do you want, Malfoy?" asked Harry, exasperated. The blonde Slytherin was the last person he wanted to deal with at the moment.  
  
"We need to meet," said Malfoy, his voice low. In a louder voice, he said, "What I want is to mock you and your fairy of a boyfriend."  
  
"Not right now, Malfoy, I've got other things to worry about," muttered Harry. "Still jealous of the two of us?" he asked, louder. He still had enough presence of mind to continue this particular charade.  
  
"Saturday night, near the Whomping Willow," whispered Malfoy. Once again, he spoke louder to convince any in the area that they were just having one of their usual arguments. "Believe me, Potter," Malfoy spat, "I'd never be jealous of the two of you! The Git-Who-Lived and the Mick. Ha!"  
  
"Fine, Malfoy. But I'm bringing Seamus and Hermione along." Harry quickly darted away, yelling back one last retort to Malfoy, "Come back and talk when you've finally come out of the closet." And Harry was gone, heading down the Charms corridor.  
  
Draco stood there seething for a moment. Even when he wasn't the best of moods, Potter still managed to get the last word in. And he definitely didn't want to meet with the Mick and the Mudblood. However, at the moment, Potter seemed to be calling the shots. Draco silently resolved to change that.  
  
=====  
  
It was evening, and Harry was spending a quiet night in his room, studying. Seamus had finally given up trying to talk to him after Harry continually refused to respond. He said he was going for a walk.  
  
Just then, somebody knocked on the door. "Harry, it's Hermione, can I come in?" There was a brief pause. "I know you're in there, Seamus told he just left you in there."  
  
Harry sighed. This was going to be a fun conversation. "Fine. Come in, Hermione."  
  
The bushy-haired girl opened the door and peered at Harry inquiringly. He looked almost exactly as he did when she'd first seen him in the Leaky Cauldron that summer.  
  
"So, Harry, what's going on?" asked Hermione without any preamble. She sat down on Seamus's bed, across from him.  
  
Harry gestured to the books and parchment scattered around him. "I'm doing my schoolwork. I thought you'd be pleased."  
  
Hermione shot him a look. "You know that's not what I mean. I mean, what's going on today. You've been giving Seamus the cold shoulder, and you know he deserves a little more than that. He's done a lot, given up a lot for you."  
  
"Well, at least he's got his best friend back," said Harry, almost sullenly. "Not that I'm bitter."  
  
"I know that's not what this is all about," said Hermione, calmly, "but let's talk about that. Seamus's best friend, after a couple of tense days, finally accepted him. And yours moved out of your room without so much as a by your leave. I'm sure part of that has to rankle."  
  
Harry sighed. "And that's what I feel bad about: the fact that I do feel a little bitter. I want nothing more than to be happy for him, but, nevertheless, it still hurts that I didn't get the same kind of support from my own best friend." Harry slumped back onto his bed. "Bloody hell, Hermione, I wish you weren't right all the time."  
  
"In this particular case, Harry, I wish I had been wrong," said Hermione, sadly.  
  
"I honestly just don't see it, 'Mione," said Harry, sighing. "I know Ron said that he needed some time to process this, but after only two days, he's already decided that he won't be able to accept me. And then he moves out just like that!"  
  
Hermione shrugged. "I'm guessing that display in the Great Hall on Monday was too much for him." Hermione's voice took on a contemplating tone. "You know, this could mean that Ron's the informant. He has a motive, after all. And he did have a peculiar look on his face when the two of you entered the Hall hand in hand the other night."  
  
Harry sighed. "Then again, that could have been simple shock: one night I come out to him, the next day I'm supposedly dating one of his housemates." Harry briefly frowned.  
  
Hermione caught Harry's look. "Harry, I'm going to ask you a very personal question, and I really need to know the answer," said Hermione, steeling herself. "And I know it's none of my business, but I need to ask anyway. It's the reason I came here tonight in the first place."  
  
"Fine, ask," said Harry, not too happy at her firm tone. "I won't guarantee an answer, though."  
  
"What, exactly, is going on between you and Seamus?" asked Hermione.  
  
"What do you mean, Hermione?" asked Harry, with an artfully puzzled look on his face. He knew she was asking about his nightmare, but purposely misunderstood the question. "You were there when I proposed the idea. We're pretending to be together to throw off the informant and the Slytherins. We're just good friends. I'm not even sure if Seamus is gay or not, Hermione," added Harry.  
  
Hermione sighed. "I know I shouldn't be telling you this, but if I left it up to the two of you, you'd just muck it up worse." She composed herself. "Seamus is gay, and he has a major crush on you, Harry."  
  
"I... He..." Harry stuttered. He certainly hadn't expected that one. His first response was to deny vehemently Hermione's assertions, but then, as he started to think about the situation, things started to fall into place. Now, all of the odd things and actions Seamus had said and done over the last few days suddenly made a certain amount of sense.  
  
Hermione watched a variety of expressions flash across Harry's face, but said nothing. She was already afraid she might have said too much.  
  
"I think you're probably right," said Harry, finally. He shook his head. "I must have been stupid not to see it before; Seamus's actions have all but screamed it out to me." Harry sighed.  
  
"Harry..." Hermione hesitated a moment. "That brings me to my central point... Do you think you might have feelings for Seamus?"  
  
"Why would you think that?" asked Harry, a little harsher than he intended. Regardless of whether or not Hermione had the best intentions, the interrogation was annoying him. Any feelings he had for Seamus were none of her business.  
  
"Just the way the two of you interact around the castle," explained Hermione. "I know that you're both playing a role; well, at least you are. But at the same time, there seem to be quite a few tender gestures, remarks that you almost seem to do without thinking. If you're acting, you're doing a hell of a job."  
  
"So?" asked Harry, his voice now very harsh. "Fine, I'm an accomplished actor, which explains why my best friend never realized I was gay. That doesn't mean there's anything else there."  
  
"I don't understand where you're coming from, Harry," said Hermione, a tad shocked at his attitude. "Is there anything wrong with admitting you have feelings for Seamus? I mean, the whole castle already thinks you're dating, and you know that Ginny and I would back you."  
  
"Hermione, the reason why I'm not admitting to have feelings for Seamus is because there are no feelings to admit to," said Harry, in a somewhat loud voice. He stood up and started pacing around the room. His footsteps were loud enough that he never heard the quickly retreating footsteps coming from the other side of the closed door, nor did he hear the suppressed sobs.  
  
Hermione almost left the room after Harry's outburst, afraid Harry was going to lash out or something. However, something made her stay, an impulse that there was more going on here. The erratic way Harry was acting, his reactions whenever Seamus was mentioned... Hermione decided to go out on a limb.  
  
"You do have feelings for Seamus," said Hermione, quietly. Harry shot her a look, but she continued. "And you're afraid of what that means, because it might make Seamus a target." The look on Harry's face told her louder than words that she was onto something. "And that's what your nightmare last night was about. You realized just how much it would hurt if you lost him."  
  
"Might make him a target?" asked Harry, in a low, bitter voice. "I've already made him one. Once Voldemort finds out that I'm supposedly dating him, Seamus will be his number one target. Because of a lie perpetuated by me." Harry shook his head. "I allowed my emotions to cloud my judgment, and now Seamus is the one'll have to pay the price. At this point, the best thing I could do for Seamus is cut myself off from him. He may hate me for it, but at least he'll be alive. What's my other choice? Keep this lie going, watch Voldemort kill Seamus, and break my heart while he's at it. I've told you before; I honestly don't think I could take any more emotional wounds at the moment... I still haven't recovered from Cedric, let alone Sirius. And then it would be child's play for him to kill me." Harry sighed. "It's probably going to happen, regardless. The best I can do is keep all of you out of it, Seamus included."  
  
"So that's what you're going to do?" asked Hermione, derision in her voice. "Just cut yourself off from your friends? Lie to Seamus, tell him that you don't have any feelings for him?" Hermione shook her head. "We're your friends, Harry. You owe us more than that. And speaking for myself, I don't care what you say; you're stuck with me, Harry, whether you like it or not."  
  
Harry chuckled ruefully. "I'm all too aware of that, Hermione. As for Seamus, I honestly don't know what I'm going to do about him," said Harry, sighing. "If I just break off this false relationship abruptly... If it's true what you said about him having a crush on me, it'll break his heart. And, assuming our friendship still remains, it'll put a major strain on it." Harry shook his head. "I'll have to think about it some more. If you come up with anything, please tell me."  
  
"I will, Harry," Hermione promised. "And Harry... please talk to us, communicate with us when there's something going on. I don't want to have to drag it out of you every time." She smiled at him fondly as she got up and headed towards the door. "And please don't tell Seamus what I told you."  
  
Harry chuckled. "I'll see what I can do about that, 'Mione. By the way, Hermione, Malfoy wants to meet, Saturday night."  
  
"And you're still going along with his little plan?" asked Hermione, sceptically.  
  
"I'm keeping an open mind," said Harry. "He might be able to shed some light on this informant business, as well."  
  
"Regardless of what he says," said Hermione, "don't turn your back on him. A leopard doesn't change its spots." With that, she left the room, as Harry closed the door behind her. Harry sat back down on his bed, amidst the books and parchment, getting back to work. Nevertheless, his mind still occasionally strayed to the current problem at hand. And he still hadn't told Hermione about the prophecy...  
  
=====  
  
A few hours later, the door slowly opened, and Seamus entered the room. Harry glanced up sharply.  
  
"There you are," said Harry, relieved. "I was about to send a search party out to look for you." Even if he hadn't found a solution to his problem, Harry had decided to shape up his attitude, at least. Hermione had made him realize how much he had hurt his friends simply by bottling up his problems inside.  
  
"Sorry, Harry," said Seamus in a hoarse voice. Harry looked over at him with a certain degree of concern. Even from across the room, it appeared as if Seamus had been crying for a protracted amount of time.  
  
"What's the matter?" asked Harry in a soft voice. He hoped that it wasn't something he had done. "It looks like you've been crying."  
  
Seamus looked down at the ground. "I don't know what you mean, Harry. It was a really quick downpour that I got caught in."  
  
Harry looked sceptically at Seamus's dry robes, and then at the open window. Everything looked dry outside. "If you say so," said Harry, dubiously. Even though he now knew about Seamus's feelings, he still didn't know how to bring it up. Hermione had sworn him to secrecy. "By the way, Seamus," added Harry, "I'm sorry for acting like a total prick today. You didn't deserve the way I treated you. I promise it won't happen again."  
  
Seamus nodded jerkily. "Don't worry about it, Harry. It's water under the bridge." Seamus went over to his book bag and pulled out his homework.  
  
The two spent the rest of the evening quietly doing their homework, occasionally breaking the silence to ask a question about the assignment. True to his word, Professor Parthagonian was indeed a strict taskmaster. After only two days spent in his class, they already had a lot of homework assigned.  
  
That night, while Harry was slumbering in the bed next to him, snoring lightly, Seamus laid there, unable to sleep. All he could think of was the conversation between Harry and Hermione that he had overheard. He hadn't heard much, but what he did hear was one sentence he would never forget: 'The reason why I'm not admitting to have feelings for Seamus is because there are no feelings to admit to.' With one single sentence, Harry had taken Seamus's hopes and dreams and smashed them all to pieces. And with that thought, Seamus did what was becoming a regular habit for him: he cried himself to sleep.  
  
=====  
  
I like angst probably more than I should.. But honestly, I don't see how Harry could have gotten over his depression over the course of a few days. As I know from experience, it just doesn't work that way. Anyway, once again, nobody take this as an indicator of my decision.. haha  
  
Plz read and review!!!


	9. Where Else Can I Turn?

A/N: All I can say is, sorry for the long, long wait.. The reasons why it took so long are sorta long and tedious, and interesting to perhaps one or two people on the entire planet.. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter; it finally reveals something that people have been wondering. And the next chapter is already partially written, so it won't be a few months long wait next time.. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything connected to it; that would be JK Rowling and Scholastic Books. So don't sue; I'm broke.. heh..

* * *

Going Through the Motions  
by Squall Thrawn 

Chapter 9 - Where Else Can I Turn?

"Harry, I just heard some Slytherins talking in the castle about you," Seamus said, panting heavily, as he parked himself beside Harry under their usual birch tree.

"What are they saying?" asked Harry, uneasily.

"They-," Seamus paused as a shadow fell over the pair of them. They looked up to see Draco Malfoy, smirking. "They know about you," he finished in a whisper.

"So, what's this rumour I've been hearing about you, Potter?" asked Malfoy, his sneer in full force.

Harry felt as though he had been punched in the gut. Dammit, nobody was supposed to know about it, and then a day after he came out to his closest friends, everybody knew? Then he looked at Malfoy's triumphant smirk. The cat may have been out of the bag, but he sure as hell wasn't going to give Malfoy the satisfaction of getting the best of him. Harry stood up slowly, forcing a carefree smile on his face.

"I guess that depends, Malfoy," said Harry. His voice was calm, and almost amused, as he stood to face Malfoy. "Did you hear the one where I'm gay, or the rumour that says that I have a camel as a pet?" Seamus actually chuckled softly as he stood up beside Harry, though his sweaty palms betrayed his nervousness.

"The former, obviously, Potter," said Malfoy, looking a little peeved. From the tone of his voice, he'd clearly wanted to provoke Harry, but the dark-haired boy's matter-of-factness had thrown him off-balance. "You're not denying it, so I guess it's true; The Git Who Lived's a bloody poofter!"

Seamus was suddenly in Malfoy's face. "Do you have a problem with that, Ferret!" challenged Seamus, angrily. Until now, Seamus had never stood up to Malfoy, but it _was_ about Harry, after all.

"Look, Potter, you've got yourself a boyfriend!" jeered Malfoy.

"Seamus isn't my boyfriend; he's just a close friend of mine." A pained expression came across Seamus's face upon hearing that statement, a look that went unnoticed by either Harry or Malfoy. "It's ok, Seamus," said Harry, soothingly. "I'll deal with Malfoy here." Harry's face hardened as he turned to Malfoy. "Now that you've heard what you came to hear, I think we'll be leaving now. I doubt you have anything productive to say, anyway. Come back when you can have a nice, civilized conversation." Harry and Seamus started walking away, but had only made it a few steps when Malfoy spoke up.

"You've got a spy in your house," said Malfoy. Harry paused. The blonde's voice had changed. Instead of being smug and hateful, Malfoy actually sounded serious.

"That's a lie, Malfoy," said Seamus, scowling. "No Gryffindor would ever spy on their own house; that's what Slytherins do."

"Think about it, you stupid Mick," said Malfoy, the contempt back in his voice. "Potter here comes out to a couple of people, and the next day gets outed to the whole school? How else do you think they found out!" He turned to Harry. "And you suspect it, too."

"Malfoy…" Harry forced out. He wasn't in the mood for a long conversation with Malfoy. "Even if it is true, why would you tell us all of this? We're the heroes, remember? You're a Death Eater."

Malfoy shook his head. "You don't understand anything about Slytherin House, do you? It has less to do with the Dark Lord than you think. When you get down to it, it's solely about power and influence. Who has it. Who doesn't. And what they do to gain it. And I'm sure you've noticed that I'm not nearly as high up on the power structure as I used to be. So in exchange for my help in discovering your mole, you're going to help me regain my place on the top of the pyramid."

"And now it all becomes clear," said Harry, wryly. "There's the Malfoy we've come to loathe and hate. Why would we want you to regain any sort of influence?"

"Maybe because I'm not nearly as pro-Dark Lord as before, and you're much better off having me in charge than the people who are right now," Malfoy shot back. "I'm not asking for a response right now. Just think about it." Malfoy started walking away from them. "Oh, and regardless of what you decide, I'd keep the buggers guessing. Don't let them think they've got to you."

The two Gryffindors stood there watching in disbelief as the Slytherin disappeared into the castle.

"I have to say… that's the last thing I would have ever expected Malfoy to say," said Seamus, shocked. Harry nodded, his mind somewhere else entirely. "I guess it must have been the raccoon listening to our conversation," continued Seamus. "He must have been the one that told the Slytherins. I mean, I told Dean he wasn't to be trusted; but of course he didn't listen to me." Just then, a large raccoon, its teeth razor-sharp and its fur fire engine red, jumped down from a tree branch and leapt at Harry's face.

With a start, Harry woke up under the branches of the birch tree. After a whole week of classes and all of the drama that had been taking place, his exhaustion had gotten the better of him. Looking up, he saw a familiar figure approaching.

"Oh, hey, Seamus! There you are," said Harry, a grin across his face. Hagrid had let him leave early from N.E.W.T.S. Care of Magical Creatures class. Harry had immediately jumped at the chance; Ron was in the class too, and things were still tense between the Boy-Who-Lived, his former best friend, and his pretend boyfriend.

"Hi, Harry," said Seamus weakly, looking down at the dark-haired boy. Harry privately frowned. Ever since last night, right after Harry had had his heart to heart with Hermione, there was something different about Seamus. Instead of being the one who couldn't keep his hands off Harry, Seamus had switched to the exact opposite. He only held hands with Harry when Harry initiated contact, and he usually pulled away whenever he could. And the most telling sign to Harry that something was wrong: whenever he looked at the Irish boy, Seamus's face and eyes always looked as if he was either just finished crying or was on the verge of starting again. And Harry had a sneaking suspicion that all the angst was because of him and his bloody stupid idea.

"C'mere," said Harry, gesturing to Seamus. "I just had the strangest dream."

Seamus hesitated for a moment, before sitting down to Harry. They were close, but not quite touching. "What did you dream about, Harry?"

"Well, do you remember when Malfoy came up to us on Sunday morning?" asked Harry. Seamus nodded. "My dream played out the exact same way as it happened in real life… But then, you said that the informant was a raccoon. Which promptly jumped down and attacked me. Oh, and he was bright red. Isn't that screwed up?"

Seamus blinked at Harry, shaking his head. "Do I even want to know where that idea came from? At least I know why you dreamt about Malfoy, though. That bloody meeting on Saturday's on your mind."

Harry caught Seamus's look of disapproval. "I know that you don't support my going along with Malfoy's plan. In fact, I'd rather not do it, myself."

"Then why would you deal with the berk?" asked Seamus, some of the old fire back in his eyes. "You're better than him, Harry. Don't let him pull you into his power struggle, assuming he wasn't just lying his arse off about the whole thing."

"I said I didn't like the idea," said Harry, shaking his head. "But I have to go through with it, all the same. Hermione and Ginny haven't come up with anything, and I don't think they're going to. Malfoy's the only one who knows what is going on in Slytherin House, anyway. Anything he tells us, even if it is slanted, is more than we know right now." Harry shrugged. "Also.. I get the feeling that he's telling us at least a partial truth. Malfoy _has_ changed; I'm just not sure yet how he's changed."

"Well, put me down for an 'I Told You So' if this turns out badly," Seamus growled. "But I'm still backing you up, Harry." A painful smile crossed his face as he looked into Harry's eyes. "I'd back you up even if you weren't my pretend boyfriend." Seamus broke eye contact and looked out at the lake, as his eyes threatened to tear up again.

"Seamus, about this pretend boyfriend thing," said Harry, diffidently. "I've been…"

"Hey, Harry!" A yell came across the lawn, and the two Gryffindors turned to see Hermione and Ginny approach them.

'Great,' thought Harry to himself. 'I finally get the courage to have a serious talk with Seamus, and these two have to show up.'

"Hey, girls," said Harry, aloud. "How were your classes?" Hermione had chosen not to take Care of Magical Creatures anymore; her plate was full enough with N.E.W.T.S. Arithmancy and N.E.W.T.S. Ancient Runes.

"Fine, Harry," said Hermione, smiling. "I think I'm going to enjoy my classes this year." Her voice turned serious. "What time is our meeting with Malfoy?"

"Saturday night, under the Whomping Willow," replied Harry. "We can use the Marauder's Map to avoid Filch."

"I still think this is a bad idea," said Seamus, grimacing.

* * *

"You took your bloody time, Malfoy," growled Harry, scowling at the approaching blonde figure. "It was your idea to meet after all; you'd think you would at least be on time."

"I had to dodge Filch," Malfoy shot back, sneering. Then his sneer turned into a feral grin. "Honestly didn't expect you to agree to meet with me; figured you didn't trust me at all. Seems you're full of surprises, Potter."

"I _don't_ trust you, Malfoy," Harry replied. "Even if we forget everything that's happened in the last five years, and that's a lot to forget; I still don't trust you. You're playing a cagey game right now. Plotting against a few Slytherins with the help of a few Gryffindors? You're a devious one; definitely too devious to be trusted right now." Harry shrugged. "But at this point, I'm willing to at least listen to you. I want to know what game you're trying to play."

Malfoy snorted. "You sure don't waste any time getting to the point, do you?" He shook his head. "I'm not going to name names, though. Those, you don't get until we have an agreement. I'm not going to give you any specifics you could use to ferret out your mole, then have you just turn your backs on me and not help."

"What makes you think Harry would help you out, no matter what you tell us?" asked Hermione.

"Because Potter here is such a goody two-shoes," said Malfoy, smiling thinly. "No matter how much he might have changed, it's against his nature to do anything resembling betrayal."

"That may be true, Malfoy," said Harry, "but I'm not agreeing to anything if I don't know your motives. So how is it that you seem to have lost all of your clout and prestige?"

"As a matter of fact, it's your fault, Potter," spat out Malfoy. "After what happened in the Department of Mysteries. My father was humiliated, sent off to Azkaban like a common criminal, and completely disgraced in the eyes of the wizarding world."

"I thought all the Death Eaters escaped Azkaban," interjected Seamus. "So your father's not there anymore, is he?"

Malfoy looked at Seamus with contempt. "Well, of course he escaped, you stupid Mick. With the Dementors gone, my father and the rest of the Dark Lord's followers had no problems getting out. That's not the point."

"Then what _is_ the point, Malfoy?" asked Harry. "You're not telling us anything we don't know already."

"Keep your precious boyfriend's mouth shut and I'll tell you," Malfoy snapped back. "I may have asked for your help, but I sure as hell didn't ask for your attitude. And I'm not risking what power and prestige I have left, just to deal with the Git-Who-Lived's lackeys."

"You're right, Malfoy, you didn't ask for our attitude," Harry said coldly. "And we didn't ask for yours. Want to end this little meeting, and cancel this arrangement? Fine. We'll walk. But I think you stand to lose more from that, than we do. So here's our first agreement: you treat my friends and I with more respect than you are right now, and we'll do the same. Deal?" Harry put out his hand for Malfoy to shake. The blonde looked at the hand as if it was a poisonous snake at first, and then reluctantly shook it. "Please, continue your story. I caused you to lose your power… how?"

"Because of what happened to my father," said Malfoy, still growling. "As his only son, I wielded as much power in Slytherin as I did, because my father was the undisputed leader of the Death Eaters during the Dark Lord's... absence. And while my father _was_ in prison, briefly, an opportunistic rival of his took over control."

"How did he do that?" questioned Hermione. "I thought your father had an iron grip over the other Death Eaters."

"He did," grumbled Malfoy, "but his position's been shaky ever since the Lestranges and the others broke out of Azkaban last year. It's hard to compete against people who went to Azkaban in support of the Dark Lord. And that fiasco in the Department of Mysteries sealed my father's fate; one of his rivals managed to blame the failure there squarely on him, and my father wasn't there to defend himself."

"And since he's an escapee, he can't access his estate or money," Harry mused to himself.

"Exactly, Potter," said Malfoy. "So everything that made him top lieutenant is inaccessible, and his rival and his followers are doing everything they can to keep the Dark Lord's favour. Such as having their children try to ruin your life as much as possible." Malfoy shook his head ruefully. "Which, granted, is exactly what my father had me doing when I was in charge of Slytherin. Of course, they only have a vague idea on how to actually do it right. Regardless, they're _the_ power in Slytherin House right now, and I can't do anything about it because everybody else in the House is trying too hard to suck up to them. And with Crabbe and Goyle pulled out of school to help their fathers, any attempt I made by myself to regain control would be squashed quicker than you could say 'Quidditch'."

"Well, I've followed what you've said so far, Malfoy," said Harry, very intrigued by this time. "So let's get to the part where you explain why we'd want you back in charge of Slytherin House."

"Because, like I told you last week, I don't support the Dark Lord nearly as much as I used to," said Malfoy, a serious look on his face.

"You're switching sides?" asked Seamus, shocked. "I don't believe it."

"Yeah, well, don't think I'm doing this for idealistic reasons," said Malfoy, dryly. "I'm in this purely for myself."

"I don't think I expected any different, Malfoy," returned Harry, just as dryly. "I think I've figured it out already, but let's hear how you came to this decision."

"Bottom line is, I've got a greater chance at power if I support your side," said Malfoy. "Even though I still don't really like you, Potter." Malfoy shook his head. "Frankly, I don't see my father getting his power back, and I'd rather ally myself with you than kneel to Pansy and Blaise for the rest of my life."

"Blaise Zabini?" asked Harry. "Is he one of the current leaders of Slytherin?"

Malfoy looked furious that he had slipped. "One of them, yes, Potter. Not the only one, though. And the only name you're getting until I have your oath that you'll help me."

"You still need that?" asked Harry, looking a little surprised. "Of course I'll help you, Malfoy."

"Harry!" exclaimed Hermione. "Just like that, Malfoy feeds you a bogus line, and you fall for it?"

Harry turned to the bushy-haired girl. "You don't believe him?" asked Harry, his eyebrow raised. "I mean, it all does seem to fit, after all, 'Mione."

"Well, of course it does," Hermione snapped back. "You said yourself; the slimy git's too devious to be trusted. Of course, he's going to give you a story that seems to fit. And after everything that's happened between the two of you. I'm surprised you'd have so much as a civil word to say to Malfoy here."

Harry shrugged. "I can't let the past prevent me from doing what I must in the present." He gestured towards Malfoy. "And right now, we need Malfoy's help if we're going to throw Voldemort's influence off of Hogwarts. And I'd prefer the possibility that he's on our side to the alternative: simply leaving Slytherin House in the hands of people desperate to hurt me and the people I care about." Harry shrugged again. "Besides, after five years, I think I understand Malfoy better than anyone else in Slytherin."

Hermione began to open her mouth, and then closed it abruptly. She sighed, and shook her head. "I don't agree with your decision, Harry. I have no use for Malfoy here, and I don't see myself ever helping him out in any way, shape, or form. But I understand why you made this decision, and I will support _you_."

"I'm with you, Harry, all the way," Seamus said in a quiet voice. "And I'm willing to help you destroy Pansy and Blaise's power. They've hurt me, and I want to return the favour. Even if that means putting Malfoy back in power."

"Well, there it is, Malfoy," said Harry, turning back to the blonde. "It looks like we have an agreement. You agree to name names, find our Gryffindor mole, and we'll help you bring down Pansy, Blaise, and the others."

Malfoy grinned. "Looks like we've got interesting times ahead of us." He stuck out his hand, which Harry shook.

* * *

Though some might argue that Malfoy's OC, this is how I honestly imagined how Malfoy would be if he let his pragmatism overcome his loyalty; not too much of a stretch, really. 

Plz read and review!


	10. Wish I Could Stay

A/N: Whew! There we go, another chapter, with a lot less time in between! Once again, lots of angst, angst that's always been planned from the get-go. What has happened, needs to happen.

Thanks to all who reviewed my last chapter! khrysteanah17, Ahja Reyn, dmweasley, Marauders-Lover, megliz716, Holden Hit Hollywood. And it's great to hear from you again, Vasquaz! Don't be a stranger, and review again! heh

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything connected to it; that would be JK Rowling and Scholastic Books. So don't sue; I'm broke.. heh..

* * *

Chapter 10  
Wish I Could Stay 

"Harry, we need to talk," were the first words uttered by Seamus as he and Harry finally reached their dorm room.

Harry sighed. The meeting with Malfoy had used up all of Harry's eloquence and patience, and he still didn't know what to say to Seamus. Regardless, they still needed to have this conversation, sooner rather than later.

"You're right, Seamus," said Harry, sitting down on his bed. He gestured for Seamus to sit next to him, but the Irish boy instead sat across the room on his own bed. "I'm pretty sure I know what this is about, too." He sighed again. "I've been meaning to talk to you about it for a few days now…"

"I want to break up," said Seamus in a rush, his face pale but determined. "I mean… this fake relationship we have going on. I can't take it anymore."

Harry gulped. This conversation was definitely going faster than he could keep up with. For the past few days, his mind had been focussed on all the preliminary comments, the usual babble about staying friends no matter what. For whatever reason, the actual meat of the conversation had been given little thought. Harry looked up into Seamus's eyes; saw the pain and the hurt he knew had been caused by him. Unable to look any further, Harry's eyes found their gaze fixed on the bedspread. He cleared his throat. "You, of course, have every right to do that, Seamus," said Harry in a strained voice. "All I can say is that I'm sorry I ever brought it up in the first place. And that I'm sorry for hurting you."

Seamus's eyes began to tear up again. "It wasn't entirely your fault, Harry. You told me not to agree to the plan if I thought it would tear our friendship apart. I thought I could handle it, but I couldn't. I just couldn't handle being so close to you, so often." Seamus's head drooped down.

Harry wrinkled his brow in confusion. Hermione had told him Seamus had a crush on him, Harry had believed it, and now Seamus was saying he couldn't stand being so close to Harry? Maybe they had both been wrong, and Seamus was as straight as an arrow?

"Was it… Being near a gay guy so much?" Harry's voice shook. After Ron's condemnation of him, Harry had pinned all of his hopes on Hermione, Ginny, and Seamus. As long as those three accepted him, Harry had convinced himself that he could cope.

Seamus's head jerked up, as he looked at Harry, shocked. "Oh, no, Harry! That wasn't it at all! I could never hate you for that!" Seamus looked down, then back up at Harry. "I meant… I couldn't handle being so close to you, holding hands with you… And all I wanted was for it to be real, not just a ruse to throw off the Slytherins. I really wanted you to be my boyfriend, Harry." Seamus sighed.

Harry tried to look suitably surprised. "Seamus, I had no idea…"

Seamus cut him off, with the hint of a smirk on his face. "You're a horrible liar, Harry. I already figured Hermione told you that I had a crush on you."

Harry hesitated, and then nodded. "She didn't want to, but sometimes Hermione just can't help sticking her nose in." Harry shook his head ruefully. "I should have picked up on it before. I don't think you ever tried to really hide it from me; apparently, I'm just clueless when it comes to these things." Harry's smile flattened out. "I wish I had figured this out, before we got so deep into our ruse. I must have hurt you so badly, without even knowing it."

"I won't lie to you, Harry, it really did hurt," said Seamus, the strain back in his voice. "Every time I held hands with you, every time we kissed…" Seamus brushed away a stray tear. "I was reminded that it wasn't real, that you didn't mean it in the way I wanted, needed it to." He attempted a smile. "But every time my emotions told me to end this, I kept telling myself that you'd come around, that you'd finally confess your feelings for me." Then the tears started flowing. "And then, when you and Hermione had your talk, I overheard you tell her that you didn't have any feelings for me."

The guilty feeling Harry had been having for most of the conversation seemed to hit him at full blast. Because of his stupid plan, not only had he hurt Seamus by leading him on, now Harry was hurting him by lying to him. If he told Seamus the truth, though, Harry felt like he would be signing the Irish boy's death sentence. Assuming he hadn't already. For his own sake, Seamus was probably safest a ways away from him, Harry reasoned. Besides, what kind of normal relationship could The-Boy-Who-Lived offer, anyway? At the same time, Hermione's voice seemed to echo in his mind, telling him not to cut himself off from people. That Seamus was too good of a friend to lie to. Harry ruthlessly squashed that part of his mind. After all, it was for the best, wasn't it?

"I'm really sorry for leading you on, Seamus," said Harry, cautiously. "If there was anything I ever said or did that gave you the wrong impression, I'm truly sorry." From the expression on Seamus's face, it looked to Harry as if the sandy-haired boy had been still hoping for a confession of reciprocated feelings, despite everything he had seen and overheard. And part of Harry died inside as he watched that look of hope fade away, dissolving into pain and hurt.

"I…" Seamus stood up quickly. Harry could tell that Seamus was on the verge of sobbing. "I need to go now; I'm sorry, Harry." With that, he rushed out of the room.

Harry slumped back on his bed. It was the right thing to do, he kept saying to himself. Then why, pray tell, did he feel like absolute shite? All he knew for certain was that he was due for another sleepless night.

---------------------------------

"Is the door sealed?" asked a black-robed figure. A voice promptly replied in the affirmative. There were perhaps a half dozen people in the cold, dusty dungeon room, all clad in black robes. With the exception of a handful of candles in the centre of the circle all the figures were all sitting in, the dungeon was otherwise unlit. "Good. As usual, we need to discuss how we can best hurt Potter. And how to reverse the rather unfortunate setbacks resulting from our last plan."

"Is that what you call it? A setback?" asked another black-robed figure in a male voice, his contempt obvious. "Term's just started, and we've already showed them that we've got a spy in their ranks. Not to mention the fact that you misused the information and now Potter is happy and with Finnegan now. Not to mention the fact that _your_ last plan made our spy lose his connection with Potter. From now on, any information we gain, we will all discuss as a group on how to best use it to hurt Potter. No more unilateral action."

"You forget yourself," snapped back the first figure. The voice, which had been previously disguised in a vain attempt not to be recognized, was now distinctly female. "You may consider this a council, or conclave, or whatever; but it's not. You are not in charge here; you're just here to offer your opinion if and when we ask for it."

"Which you did," countered the male voice.

"Enough, Nott," cut in a new voice. His voice was more authoritative. "I will not listen to any more of this pointless bickering and arguing. We have to figure out a way to turn this momentary setback into a win in our column. I've recently been in contact with my father, and he authorized me to do whatever it takes to hurt Potter. Even harm Finnegan, if necessary."

"If we do that," interjected a second female voice, "we risk having Potter confront us directly. He's already gunning for us, as it is."

"Millicent's right," said Nott. "While the two of them are together, we'd better leave Finnegan alone until we have a way to hurt Potter too.

"Not necessarily," replied the remaining figure in the room, another male. "Regardless of whether they're together or apart, Finnegan is now Potter's primary weakness. If we arranged things so that something would happen to Finnegan, without it even being remotely connected to us, we could hurt Potter that way. How is he going to retaliate against people he can't connect the attack to?"

"Sounds like somebody has a plan," replied the leader. "And just what would this scheme have us doing?"

"Well, here's what I've come up with…."

---------------------------------

"I can't believe everybody found out so fast," complained Harry as he sat with Ginny for an early lunch on Sunday. He hadn't seen Seamus since the previous night, and Harry was temporarily avoiding Hermione. Seeing that extremely disappointed look on her face was an experience Harry didn't wish to repeat any time soon. "The work of our secret informer again?" As he looked at the redheaded girl, he could feel the curious stares of his fellow classmates boring into the back of his skull.

"Unfortunately, Harry, it's most likely just nosy Gryffindors who don't have anything better to do," said Ginny, ruefully. "Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil, in particular, have been watching you and Seamus like a hawk, just waiting for some more juicy gossip." She shrugged, and lowered her voice. "Seamus may have thought he was exaggerating, and the whole thing may not have been for real, but it was true, all the same: You two actually were the most photogenic couple in Hogwarts, and definitely the most interesting. With not much else happening, you two were front-page news as far as Hogwarts is concerned. In fact, there are quite a few girls around who thought your pseudo-relationship was quite romantic; mainly the ones who wanted that sort of romance in their own lives." She glared at him as if to accuse him of throwing away happiness.

"It was for the best, Ginny," Harry repeated his reasoning for the umpteenth time.

"So you keep saying," said Ginny, with a slight lilt in her voice. "I'm sorry Harry, but that doesn't change what I think. I'm going to have to side with Hermione on this one; you made the wrong choice."

"And it was my choice to make!" said Harry in a loud voice. Several Gryffindor heads turned towards him, startled by the outburst.

"It wasn't yours alone, though, Harry," murmured Ginny, low enough that only Harry heard her.

Harry flashed an angry look at her before getting up from the bench and heading towards the Great Hall doors, leaving his food virtually untouched.

Countless students could have blocked his way, and Harry would not have noticed them. All he wanted to do was lie in his bed and sleep until Voldemort came to kill him. It seemed to Harry that whenever he was awake and interacting with people, all he did was hurt them.

As Harry rushed through the school corridors, he brushed past a blonde-haired student. He didn't slow down whatsoever, though, leaving a confused and pissed-off Draco Malfoy behind in his wake.

When Harry finally made it to Gryffindor Tower and his dorm, he was greeted by a few changes: Seamus's belongings were moved out, and there was a plain white envelope on Harry's bed.

Harry picked up the envelope, trying to figure out the contents. Unsealing it, Harry pulled out what appeared to be an 8x10 photo. He turned it over and looked silently at the picture Colin Creevey had taken last Monday, that of Seamus planting a kiss on Harry's cheek. The figures were stationary; apparently, Colin still enjoyed taking pictures the Muggle way. Lost in his reverie, staring at the picture, Harry jumped when somebody spoke.

"Second thoughts, Harry?" asked Hermione. Harry recovered from his surprise and grimaced.

"Here to tell me again how disappointed you are in me?" asked Harry, in a bitter voice. "I've gotten the picture already; in fact, I think I've received more than enough pictures."

Hermione looked unabashed. "I just thought you'd like to have a visual reminder of what you had; of what you gave up." She gave him a pointed look.

"And I say to you again, I don't regret it," said Harry firmly; but Hermione could hear a tinge of uncertainty in his response.

"You don't regret it at all?" asked Hermione in a harsh tone. "Well, you should. You should regret deeply your decision to viciously lie to somebody you deeply care about and break his heart."

"Fine, I'm a bad person," Harry growled back. "I think I've said all I'm going to say about this." And with that, he exited his dorm as quickly as he had entered. Hermione stood there for a second, before sighing and shaking her head.

---------------------------------

It was long past dinner, and still Harry sat underneath the birch tree overlooking the lake. Harry had not said a single word, nor had he budged the entire time, with the exception of a short, bitter laugh when the thought had come to him that he had already gone full-circle. On his first afternoon back at Hogwarts, Harry had sat in this same spot, feeling melancholy and withdrawn. One week later, not only was he feeling the same way, but now he was feeling some heartbreak, as well. Good job on improving things, Harry.

"What's the big idea, Potter?" A voice spat out, nearby. Harry turned his unseeing eyes in the direction of the voice and focussed them to find one Draco Malfoy in front of him.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" asked Harry in a monotone voice. "Did you bring food, like I told you to? You'll recall the last time you approached me like this."

"Must have forgotten," said Malfoy, sarcasm heavy in his voice. "I'm referring to the fact that your fake relationship with the Mick was supposed to throw off Pansy and the others and lead us to your mole. So what's this I hear about a break-up?"

"It's absolutely none of your business, Malfoy," said Harry in a hollow tone. The anger he had expressed towards the others, the anger he knew had actually been directed at him and his actions, had burned itself out and had left him with that familiar empty feeling. It was like summer at Privet Drive all over again. "It shouldn't affect your schemes, though, Malfoy. I don't think Seamus understood that sometimes you have to sacrifice your personal happiness for the bigger picture. I, on the other hand, understand that all too well."

Malfoy eyed Harry for a moment, before briefly nodding. "As long as the plan is still in motion, and you're still in, I guess it doesn't matter that Finnegan's no longer in the picture." He briefly glanced around to make sure nobody spotted him talking to Potter. "Have you made any progress on a plan to discover your mole?"

"None whatsoever, Malfoy," said Harry, shortly. "Though I realize that this is important to you, there are more important things going on in my life right now. I may have just lost one of my closest friends, and I don't have so many left that I can keep losing them. Seamus risked being alienated from the entire student population just so I could show Pansy and the others up and stuck with me as long as he could, despite the fact that the entire charade caused him pain and hurt. A charade I engineered." The bitterness was evident in Harry's tone.

Malfoy was, for once, silent. He eyed Harry with a look akin to surprise.

"Why are you telling all this to me?" Malfoy finally asked. "Alliance or no alliance, we've never gotten along, and we couldn't be further opposites if we tried."

"Because you don't really care," responded Harry simply. "Everybody else would just chastise me for making the wrong call. You don't care, whatsoever, about my personal problems since they don't pertain to you. All you care about is regaining your power. So, if you don't mind, I'd like to be left alone for a while. I'll let you know some time this week, when I've got a working plan."

"I care about more than just regaining my power," said Malfoy quietly. Then he shrugged. "But yes, power is almost all I care about." Without another word, the blonde-haired Slytherin walked off, allowing Harry to return to his self-imposed solitude and silence.

Draco did turn around, however, when he realized he had forgotten to ask Potter a question. He quietly walked towards the tree, but stopped when he saw what Harry was doing. The green-eyed boy was gently touching what looked like a photo; it was too far for Draco to make out who was in it. As he watched, Potter touched it one more time before folding it up, putting in his pocket, and burying his face in his hand. Draco silently walked away, his question long forgotten.

* * *

Well, there we go.. Things are being set in motion, big things. 

Plz read and review!

Squall


	11. You Just Took My Soul With You

A/N: So, honestly, I don't know if I'm gonna finish the story or not. I wrote this story back before Book 6 came out, if my memory serves me, and now the series has ended. So I don't even know if there are any people who even care about this story anymore. Either way, I've had this chapter on my computer for a while, mostly but not quite finished. So I'm sending it in. If there are enough people still interested, I guess I can pick this one back up, but accelerate the plot line a fair amount. If not, it was fun to write at the time, and lots of fond memories!! Also, if you do read this all the way through, I do have better versions of the first five chapters.. I'll probably just replace those when I add this chapter. They're all marked as updated, but I kept the same old A/Ns. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything connected to it; that would be JK Rowling and Scholastic Books. So don't sue; I'm broke.. heh..

Going Through the Motions  
by Squall Thrawn

Chapter 11

You Just Took My Soul With You

"What seems to be the problem today, Mr. Potter?" asked Professor Parthagonian as Harry gingerly picked himself up from the floor of the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. It was late in the evening on the Wednesday after his break-up with Seamus. "Last week, you did quite well in your lesson. Your mind was focused, empty of all emotions. You were keeping me out quite well. Today, though, you're offering no resistance."

"Sorry, Professor," muttered Harry. "I haven't been able to concentrate the past couple of days."

"Your mind must always be focused at all times," pressed Parthagonian. "We don't know when Voldemort is going to try to invade your dreams, pervert them for some foul purpose. Whatever is going on, anything else, is secondary to your Occlumency lessons."

"Yes, Professor, I'll try harder this time," Harry replied dutifully. He obediently got himself back into position.

"That's enough for one night, Mr. Potter," said Professor Parthagonian, dismissively. "Just remember what I said and, come next Wednesday, be better prepared." Without a further word, the tall man walked to his office and closed the door behind him.

Harry stifled a groan, and trudged out of the classroom, grabbing his book bag on the way out. He made his way towards the Great Hall for a late dinner. There weren't too many students in there by this time; however, Hermione and Ginny were waiting for him, and strangely enough, so was Dean Thomas. As Harry approached the small group of Gryffindors, he noticed out of the corner of his eye a small knot of mixed students from different houses and years standing in the corner of the Hall and talking to each other in low tones.

"Hey, Harry," said Ginny as he approached the small group of Gryffindors. "How were… things?"

"Tiring," answered Harry, truthfully. "He may not be as caustic as Snape, but Professor Parth is just as strict."

"I just hope you're learning more this year," said Hermione, encouragingly. She and Harry had returned to speaking civilly when classes had resumed on Monday. Though she still disapproved hardily of Harry's decision and some of her tone when talking to Harry reflected those feelings, she still found it well nigh impossible to abandon him entirely. Harry privately suspected that since the direct approach hadn't worked, she now had an agenda to very subtly 'bring him to his senses'.

"I think so," said Harry, nodding. He turned to Dean Thomas, his expression showing some surprise at the black boy's presence. "How are you doing, Dean?"

"Fair enough, Harry," said Dean, shrugging. "I'm sure you're surprised that I'm here; things are pretty strained at the moment." That was probably the understatement of the century. Seamus and Harry hadn't spoken so much as a word to each other since the 'break-up'; in fact, Seamus had been unable to look Harry in the eye since then. The fact that they had multiple classes together and even shared a table in Defence Against the Dark Arts only made things worse.

Unable to say anything, Harry merely nodded grimly. He still felt horrible about the situation.

Dean continued. "The thing is, Harry, I do want to patch things up with Ginny. And I know that the two of us have never been that close, but I hope we can at least reach the point that we were at, before the Truth or Dare night." Dean's voice took on a quieter tone. "And I want to help Seamus. He's really hurting, Harry. I honestly don't know what happened between you two, but it hit him really hard. He's been rooming with Neville since it happened, and Neville told me that every night he's been kept up by Seamus's crying."

"I don't see how I can help, Dean," said Harry, hoarsely. "All I've done so far is hurt him."

"Maybe talk to him, Harry," pleaded Dean. "He needs to get over you; maybe you can help him do that. Also," Dean continued, "I'm worried about Seam's safety."

"Are you afraid he's going to hurt himself?" asked Hermione, worried. "It can't be that bad!"

"It's worse than you'd think, Hermione, but that's not it," said Dean. He pointed to the group of students in the corner. Harry noticed that while a few students had left the group since he'd first seen it, a few more had joined, resulting in. Comprised mostly of Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, Harry recognized Zacharias Smith of Hufflepuff and Michael Corner of Ravenclaw amongst others.

"Who are they?" asked Harry, worry creasing his brow. Now that attention had been especially called towards the group, Harry dimly recalled seeing them around the school; mostly in the periods between classes. And, now that he'd thought about it, it had always been the classes he shared with Seamus.

"Let's just say, they're not your fan club," said Dean, grimacing. "If you were ever wondering who in Hogwarts disapproved of yours and Seamus's relationship, or homosexuals in general, there's the bulk of them right there."

"All of them?" questioned Hermione, surprised. "I wouldn't have thought that many would be so opposed. I mean, I know there was some muttering going on when Harry and Seamus walked into the Great Hall hand in hand, but I hadn't realised they were actually banding together in opposition to it."

"It's more widespread than you'd guess, Hermione," said Dean gravely. "There is a fair amount of Gryffindors, Ron included, that weren't all that happy at the thought of what Harry and Seamus might be doing in their room."

"Then why aren't there any Gryffindors in this group?" asked Harry.

"They respect you too much, Harry," said Dean, simply. "You and Seam are both Gryffindors. There's a lot of House loyalty at work here. As it is, though, Ron and Cormac McLaggen do meet up with these jokers on a fairly regular basis."

"Ron," Ginny growled out. "How I ended up with that git as a brother, I'll never know."

"Are these people bothering Seamus?" asked Harry, still troubled.

"More and more so since the two of you broke up," answered Dean. "Apparently, they were too scared of what you might do if they messed with your boyfriend. But now that you aren't together anymore… Seamus has had his books knocked down in the hallways, ink spilled in his bags, and they're always calling him derogatory names." Dean sighed. "And he's too wrapped in his own world to talk to anybody about it. If I hadn't witnessed some of it myself, I wouldn't have known either."

"I'll see what I can do," said Harry, reluctantly. "I'm sure I'm the last person he wants to talk to, but Seamus could get hurt if he doesn't watch out; I get the feeling they mean business."

There was a pregnant moment of silence, until Hermione finally spoke. "Have you… have you finished Professor Parth's essay on _Blanditium_?"

Harry shook his head. "I haven't even started it yet. I don't seen the point in learning about some half-arsed form of _Imperius_ that only works under certain conditions?" Finishing their dinners, the Gryffindors continued talking of their classes. All the while, though, Harry kept one eye on the group in the corner. He had a bad feeling about them.

"Come on, gather 'round, class," called Hagrid. "I've got summat great ter show ya." The sixth-year Care of Magical Creatures class approached the wire cage sitting on a tree stump near Hagrid's hut with trepidation. After the Blast-Ended Skrewts in their fourth year, anybody with sense was leery of what Hagrid could be teaching about next.

With a dramatic flourish, Hagrid pulled the cloth off the cage. Most of the class gave a sigh of relief at the sight of the scrawny mournful-looking bird that greatly resembled a vulture. Greenish-black, it peered at the class quizzically.

"What an ugly looking bird," Harry could hear Ron muttering under his breath.

"What is that, Hagrid?" asked Dean Thomas, frowning at the scrawny bird in front of them.

"Tha' is an Augurey," replied Hagrid. "Ya don't see too many a' these aroun' anymore. Does anyone know anythin' 'bout these beauts?"

To Harry's total lack of surprise, Hermione's hand shot up. "The Augurey is native to Britain and Ireland. It only flies in the heavy rain, and its cry was once thought to be a death omen. However, people have since found out that its cry in fact foretells rain. And another name for it is the Irish Phoenix."

Hagrid looked suitably impressed at Hermione's encyclopaedic knowledge. After giving Hermione five house points, Hagrid continued on with the lecture, comparing the Augurey to a regular Phoenix. Having already witnessed firsthand many of the abilities of Fawkes, Dumbledore's Phoenix, Harry didn't find the lecture as informative as most of the other students did. He instead spent the time debating what he should do about Seamus. And trying to ignore the frequent glances made by Justin Finch-Fletchley. Ever since the break-up had become public knowledge, the curly-haired Hufflepuff seemed to be trying to covertly flirt with Harry. Harry found his efforts vaguely comical, since Justin's attempts to be secretive couldn't have made it more obvious if he'd tried. Harry let them pass without responding, however. If he couldn't be with the one he wanted without endangering him, he sure as hell wasn't going to drag a whole new person into his mess. Putting Justin firmly out of his mind, Harry went back to figuring out what to do about Seamus.

As the class drew to a close, Harry finally came to a decision. Vaguely thinking that he was going to have to get any assignments from Hermione, as he hadn't been listening, Harry waited for Hagrid to dismiss the class. After what seemed like five hours, they were eventually released. Bypassing Hermione and dodging Justin Finch-Fletchley, he caught up to Seamus and Dean, who had been the first to head towards the castle.

"Hey," said Harry, feeling anxious. The two turned around at the sound of his voice. Dean looked almost relieved at the thought of Harry intervening. Seamus, however, stiffened, and quickly turned his head away.

"Please, Seamus, we need to talk," said Harry pleadingly. Seamus hesitated, then turned his head back and nodded.

"I'll be in the common room, then we can head down to dinner," said Dean Thomas. "I think you two need to talk privately." The boy walked off towards the castle, leaving a now awkward silence behind him.

"Why don't we walk for a while?" suggested Harry, finally. Seamus shrugged, and the boys began walking towards the lake area.

The two walked in silence for a bit, before Harry finally spoke up. "I noticed that Dean's been trying to make up with Ginny recently."

Seamus nodded. "He told me he feels bad about how strained things got between the two of them when he was having problems with… with us."

Harry hesitated over how to broach his topic delicately. "Dean also mentioned that you've been having problems with some of our classmates."

Seamus turned to look at Harry angrily. "I didn't ask you to protect me, Harry!" Seamus shook his head. "I can take care of meself just fine, without the Golden Boy keepin' an eye out for me."

"But that's just it, Seamus," pleaded Harry, "you aren't taking care of yourself. I've noticed how detached you are in class, and Dean told me that you aren't standing up for yourself at all."

The brief fire in Seamus' eyes died as he silently looked at Harry. "What's the point in standing up for meself?" Seamus finally said, shrugging helplessly. "There's only one of me, and there's always a lot of them. I couldn't even try to take them all on, alone."

"I guess I see your point," said Harry, finally. They continued walking in the general direction of the lake.

"Are we done?" asked Seamus, finally. He looked eager to remove himself from the awkward silence that had befallen them once again.

"Actually, I had something else to ask you," said Harry, softly. "Do you… do you remember our plans to discover the spy in Gryffindor?"

Seamus grimaced. "That agreement with that slimy Malfoy? How could I forget?"

"Yeah, that's the one," Harry admitted. "I've come up with a plan that could help us discover how much information is flowing from our tower to the Slytherin dungeon, and that should help us find out who's supplying it."

"And you need my help," said Seamus, not so much asking a question as stating fact.

"I would really appreciate it," replied Harry, nodding. "The more people working on this, the easier it will be, and, theoretically, the faster the results." Harry's expression turned more serious. "I know that I'm asking a lot of you. I'm sure the last thing you want is to hang around me, after all that happened. I wouldn't ask if this wasn't so important." Harry looked imploringly into the Irish boy's eyes.

Seamus immediately looked away, unable to handle Harry's gaze. A minute or two of silence passed. "I'll do it," said Seamus, finally.

"Really?" asked Harry, both surprised and pleased.

Seamus nodded. "When I first agreed to this, when we were meeting with Malfoy, I meant what I said. Those Slytherins have a lot to answer for."

"Thanks, Seamus," said Harry, truly grateful. "They really do have a lot to answer for, not the least of which is causing all these problems in Gryffindor.. And between us."

Seamus shifted his feet uncomfortably.

It was then that Harry blurted out his earlier thoughts, without considering whether he had any right to be voicing them or coaching his thoughts into words that wouldn't embarrass him.

"I miss the old Seamus," said Harry, quickly, lest the sandy-haired boy leave before he had a chance to speak. Seamus looked at Harry with an unreadable look. "You used to be so carefree, always with a ready grin and a joke that usually had us shaking our heads. What happened to him?"

"I think he was left behind when I got pulled out of the closet," said Seamus, simply. "It's hard to be carefree when you have to worry about people hating you for being a poof, when you have to worry about somebody you care about putting himself in harm's way." The Irish boy's look turned sad. "And when you get the taste of something you get the feeling you were never meant to have, when you experience emotions you should know all too well that you were never meant to experience…"

Harry was shocked to hear Seamus's implication. "What do you mean by that, Seamus?" asked Harry, incredulously.

"It's like this, Harry. A man is born in a dimly lit room. He lives his entire life there, happy in his life because he doesn't know any differently. And then, suddenly, bright light comes from a nearby room, and he looks in. And what he finds is brilliant light, so bright that it hurts his eyes at first. But in this light he sees life more clearly, more fully than he ever could before. So when he's pushed back into the dimly lit room, without knowing whether he'll ever return to the brightly lit room, he realizes that dimness just isn't good enough, anymore." Seamus looked at Harry, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Seamus," said Harry, anguish heavy in his voice, guilt clearly etched in his features. He reached out towards Seamus, but the Irish boy shied away.

"I can't.. Harry.. I can't deal with this right now," said Seamus, backing away. "Please just tell me how I can help with your plan, later.. I can't do this… right now…" Seamus turned away and rushed off towards the castle, its twinkling lights seemingly beckoning to him.

Harry sighed. He had found out what he had needed to, but his primary goal, trying to coax Seamus out of his funk, had failed miserably. His appetite suddenly gone, Harry continued walking towards the lake, heading towards his usual place.

It was there, several hours later, that Draco Malfoy found him. As the Slytherin approached, Harry was standing under the birch tree, looking out over the water. The blonde boy silently put his hand on Harry's shoulder, his actions strangely almost gentle. The green-eyed boy quickly jerked away from the hand, then he looked behind him to discover its owner.

"Malfoy," said Harry, neutrally.

"Potter," replied Malfoy in a similar tone. "You seem a bit jumpy tonight."

"I've a lot on my mind," said Harry, shortly. "You'll pardon me if I don't feel like sharing."

"Fine by me," said Malfoy, shrugging. "I didn't come here because I'm desperate for your company." He had a sneer on his face by the time he had finished. "Let's get to business, then. You said you had a way to discover who the mole was." The two had bumped shoulders in the Charms corridor that day, and Harry had quickly asked Malfoy to meet him by the lake that night, in between shouted insults that brought into question Harry's upbringing and the possible inbreeding in the Malfoy family.

"I did," said Harry, nodding. He gestured towards the birch tree, and the two of them sat under it, with a rather significant space between the two of them. "Follow my reasoning, if you will. Whoever informed Blaise, Pansy, and Nott about my preference for blokes obviously had to have heard it the previous night, when it came out during Truth or Dare."

"You were playing Truth or Dare?" asked Malfoy, scornfully. "What, are you all a bunch of first-years?"

"I doubt first years would have understood half the things that were said and done during our game," replied Harry, drily. "And it was Seamus's idea. He wanted to give me a chance to relax, and he was trying to get to know me better."

"I'll bet he was," said the blonde-haired Slytherin, his eyebrow raised. Strangely enough, Harry could have sworn that he could detect the slightest bit of jealousy in his tone.

"At any rate," continued Harry, "I told them about how my first kiss was with Cedric Diggory, and that I was gay."

"Hold on a second," Malfoy interrupted. "You were with Diggory?"

"Sorta," said Harry, wincing as he realised he had inadvertently given Malfoy some ammunition. Then a thought struck him. "Why is it that you haven't heard this already? I figured the spy had spilled the whole story."

"I haven't heard anything about it, Potter, and if Pansy hasn't used it by now, she hasn't heard it either. That's interesting," mused Malfoy. "I mean, that's just the sort of hurtful thing that could've actually done some damage," continued Malfoy, speculatively. He caught Harry eyeing him with a look betraying his surprise and a fair amount of anger as well. "I'm just thinking out loud," Malfoy said hastily.

Harry looked at the other boy, dubiously at first, before his face turned contemplative as well. "You've a good point, though," said Harry. "It could be that our Death Eater spy has an agenda of their own."

"Or that he or she isn't a Death Eater spy at all, just somebody with an agenda," countered Malfoy.

"What kind of agenda would a Gryffindor have, that would hurt both Seamus and me?" asked Harry, a tad sceptically.

"We're just dealing with possibilities here, Potter," said Malfoy, shrugging. "And I'd say there's a fair chance this might be the case. Much more plausible than a sudden appearance of a Death Eater spy in Gryffindork House. But if we are dealing with a Death Eater spy, let's hear this plan of yours to flush them out."

Harry nodded briefly, before getting to the crux of the plan. "My plan is this, Malfoy: I and several other Gryffindors will spread certain bits of juicy information that could be used against us, or at least passed on. They'll be mainly false, with just a bit of truth to make them believable. And your job would be to find out what is being passed on, and what isn't. We'll keep track of who hears what bit of information." Harry finished and leaned back against the tree trunk.

"And the one person that's heard all the leaked information is the guilty party?" asked Malfoy. Harry nodded. "That's… a really stupid plan, Potter. Really, really brainless. Do you realize how dependent that is, on your housemates not repeating your false information to the point where your entire house knows about it?"

"Well, do you have a better idea, Malfoy?" Harry shot back. "You're so eager to cut down my idea, but you're the one that asked me to come up with something since you couldn't, yourself."

Malfoy snickered. "So defensive there, Potter. And I didn't say your plan was completely worthless. Just… very hit and miss. I think we can refine it quite a bit."

"And how is that?" asked Harry, testily.

"Don't bother with random titbits of information, passed along to random housemates," said Malfoy. "Concentrate on your three main suspects. Weasley, Thomas, and Longbottom? Have your people give them those seemingly valuable bits of information, and give them the impression that you don't want these items spread around."

"That might work," begrudged Harry.

"You'll have to come up with the ways you're going to give those three the information, though," said Malfoy. "I don't care enough about your Gryffindor social dynamics. It's too bad that you split up with the Mick; he would've been useful spreading the false information to Thomas."

"Actually," said Harry, slowly, "Seamus still wants to help me…"

"After what you did to him?" asked Malfoy, incredulously. "I'm surprised he's still speaking to you!"

"You know, Malfoy, for somebody who claims not to care about Gryffindor social dynamics, you sure know a lot about Seamus' and my relationship," said Harry, putting aside his emotions in an effort to put Malfoy on the defensive.

The effort worked. "I _don't _care!" exclaimed Malfoy, backpedalling. He attempted a sneer, but it looked a tad sickly to Harry. "I was just remarking about what I could see of things. While we're allied for our ouster of Pansy and Blaise, I figured I should at least keep an eye on things that could affect that. And it just seemed obvious to me, even though I wasn't making a special effort to notice the intricacies," Malfoy finished, emphasizing the last phrase. "It looked to me like the two of you created a fake relationship to fool people, but one of you was foolish enough to actually fall in love with the other. Stupid Mick," Malfoy muttered.

"Stop calling Seamus a Mick," yelled Harry. Then his shoulders slumped. "It really was that obvious, then?" he asked.

"It wasn't," said Malfoy, surprising himself with the speed at which he was trying to reassure Potter. Well, that and the fact that he actually was trying to reassure him. "Like I said, I guess I was giving it some attention lest it hurt our chances at regaining my power and finding your spy."

"Moot point now, though," Harry said, shaking his head. "Well, if you don't mind- well, actually even if you do mind, I'm still heading back to the castle. I still have homework to do, and I really don't care to spend any more time with you than I have to."

"The feeling's mutual, Potter," Malfoy retorted, scowling. "Make sure you actually have something to report before we meet again. It's not easy sneaking out of Slytherin House when most of the House seems to think you're up to something." Malfoy added wryly, "And if you're a Slytherin, you usually are up to something."

"I'll see what I can do," Harry said. "And you have to keep your ears open, too. This isn't just my deal; it's ours."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Malfoy grumbled.

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A/N: So, let me know either way. If not, thanks for reading! It's been a fun journey!!

Squall Thrawn


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